It's your birthday today
(Woohoo)
What does that mean
I guess I'll try to explain
That many years ago on this day
It was the first time your parents
Saw your beautiful face
(Oh, such a cute little baby)

And nine months before that
Magical day
Your dad probably took your mom
Out on a date
And they were having a good time
They were dancing and drinking wine
(We're gonna live forever)

And when they got home
They were horny as hell
And your dad threw your mom down
On the bed
And he tore her panties off
And his wee-wee was hard as a rock
(I'm so horny)

And at this point your mom wanted
To give your dad head
But your dad also wanted to give
Your mom head
So they formed a sixty nine
(sit on my face)
And your mom came
At least three times
(Oh, oh, oh)
And then your dad was so excited
To get inside your mom
That he forgot to put a condom on
And when he realized his mistake
(O-oh)
He had ejaculated
And it was too late
(You're not on the pill, are you?)

And then your mom got pregnant
And your dad started crying
(Wah)
He wanted your mom
To get an abortion
(Please!)
But your mom really wanted a child
(Dammit!)

And nine months later
You were born
And five months later
Your parents got a divorce

Happy birthday...