[Intro: Elizabeth Banks & Will Arnett]
Oh no, are we in a musical?
Uh, hope not

[Verse 1: Tiffany Haddish]
Hello, friends, my name is Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi
Don't worry, I'm totally not one of those evil queens
You've read about in fairy tales or seen in the movies
And there's no reason at all to be suspicious of me

[Refrain: Tiffany Haddish, Elizabeth Banks, & Choir]
Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know
Mmm-mm
Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know
I won't lie, it's actually very suspicious that you're leading with this

[Verse 2: Tiffany Haddish]
I'm so not a villain, I have zero evil plans
No ulterior motive, just want to help where I can
I wanna shower you with gifts 'cause I'm selfless and sweet
So there's no reason at all to be suspicious of
Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi
The least evil queen in history
And if you do not believe me
I totally won't imprison your family
'Cause that'd be evil and that's so not me
[Refrain: Tiffany Haddish, Elizabeth Banks, & Choir]
Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know
Really? Because I'm getting super evil vibes here
Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know

[Verse 3: Tiffany Haddish & Charlie Day]
Benny, do you like spaceships? 'Cause I think they are great
How'd you know that? Loving spaceships is my one defining trait!
Well now, my good friend, you can build the spaceship of your dreams
On your very own planet with your own spaceship-building team

[Interlude: Elizabeth Banks, Charlie Day, & Nick Offerman]
Come on, do not fall for this
Wyldstyle!
Haven't you heard? There's no reason at all to be suspicious of her

[Refrain: Elizabeth Banks, Nick Offerman, & Choir]
Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know
Yeah, I know she keeps saying that but she's clearly an evil queen
Not evil, not evil, no, the least evil person I know
Yar, well, I'm not buyin' it

[Verse 4: Tiffany Haddish, Elizabeth Banks, & Nick Offerman]
MetalBeard, a pirate without a ship, that's so cruel
It's like a spider without a web or a queen without a fool
Even her metaphors are suspicious
I've got a surprise for you
A planet that's really a pirate ship, and the population: your crew
Her story checks out, she's cool, not evil
[Verse 5: Tiffany Haddish, Allison Brie, Will Arnett, & Elizabeth Banks]
What about me?
Unikitty, what's the most glitter you can imagine?
A lot
Times that by infinity
Woohoo
And, Batman
Don't even try it, lady, I don't need anything
Oh, I know, that's why I'm going to give you half of everything
Uh, like everything everything?
Everything everything
She's rad. This chick gets me
Here's some other adjectives people use to describe me:
Unduplicitous, unmalicious, unconniving, unnasty
You're clearly just adding 'un' to words that describe you
Who? Me?

[Chorus: Tiffany Haddish]
I'm Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi
I never trick people into trusting me
By hiding my true personalities
So I can use them to accomplish my evil deeds
'Cause that'd be evil and that's so not me

[Bridge: Tiffany Haddish]
I never cheat, I never bribe, I never scheme, I never lie
And that wasn't a lie when I said just now that I never lie
'Cause I never lie and I never laugh when children cry
And I never poison enemies of mine
And I never cry when I'm alone at night
'Cause I'm not sad, I love my life
I'm gettin' off track, let me get back to the point I was makin'
[Chorus: Tiffany Haddish]
I'm Queen Watevra Wa'Nabi
The most least evil person you'll ever meet
And if you make eye contact with me
I totally won't have you executed immediately
'Cause that'd be evil (Evil), evil (Evil), evil, and that's so not me