John Thatcher Longley: Yo!
Lars: John
JTL: What’s up?
Lars: Yo, I’m going to put the song about your house on the album. Is that cool?
JTL: Uh… Yeah, I just don’t want to have any, like, stalkers knowing my name, like my full name. Do you think it’s cool?
Lars: We’ll keep it on the DL. We’re going to spell it in the lyrics different than it is
JTL: Alright, that’s cool, yeah, whatever

My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey
My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey

CHORUS
John Thatcher Longley – clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley – clean up your house
My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey
My drummer has the messiest house in New Jersey

My drummer has a messy house
And that is what this song’s about
As I write these rhymes I’m starting to doubt
This kid will ever take the garbage out
The living room is full of cans
The ping-pong table barely stands
I guess he’s too busy with other demands
Like Game Cube and listening to pop punk bands
There’s pizza boxes stacked in the living room
No mops, no brooms, and no vacuums
Open the fridge and you might see
Half a Mr. Pibb and some moldy cheese
Upstairs the toilet barely works
That’s just one of the many perks
Last time it took me half an hour
To figure out how to work his upstairs shower

CHORUS

His house makes me think about
All the things in life you can live without
Like Internet, pens, tables and chairs
There’s mail stacked randomly on the stairs
The bathroom door’s falling off
I went to the attic and started to cough
But every time a tour rolls by, you know we’ll stay at Laurel Drive
CHORUS

John Thatcher Longley – clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley – clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley – clean up your house
John Thatcher Longley – clean up your house

Lars: I mean, does it make you mad at all?
JTL: No, no, I think it’s hilarious
Lars: Alright cool, I just wanted to make sure it was cool

My drummer has a messy house
And that is what this song’s about