I’ve missed you since you’ve been gone. I must confess, I am such a mess and these days just seem so long. I’ve been smoking way too much again now that you are gone, and I struggle with porn a little bit more as the loneliness wears on…

I can lie to myself all day long until I believe the corruption is tried and true, but just because I can appease my conscience doesn’t mean that my failures don’t affect you. And I know if you didn’t want honesty you wouldn’t be with me, but now that you know everything, am I everything you always wanted me to be?

Cause this city is laid out like a massive machine and up above the clouds I can see everything. When I look at her, and she looks at me – that glow of city streetlights… (I am crystal clean.)

I could have sat inside that coffee shop all day long and watched Grandma Death walk back and forth from the park to the Jack in the Box to the park to the Jack in the Box to the park to the Jack in the Box to the park to the broken down, boarded up shop and laugh (as long as I was laughing with you…) Well you are bundled up so tight and I can see that look (of wonderment) in your eyes as I take your hand and we step outside into that beautiful, cloudy Seattle sky and wonder where the sun went. I want to sit on the step outside your green apartment and try to explain what happens to my heart (when I see the city) it’s like a clean start AND I WANT TO DANCE WITH THE GOBLINS! and I want to dance with you… and I wanna remember what it was like on the nights that we missed each other again, like our love was new! (Like our love was real!) Like there was emotion in your voice when you told me you loved me and “I love you” was something that I could feel. And you’d kiss me like you meant that you’d miss me while you were gone, and I’d sing our favorite song… I’D BE THE VOICE IN YOUR DREAMS!

“Don’t stop calling, you’re the reason I love losing sleep.”

This city is laid out like a massive machine and it’s synched up so perfectly with all of my circuitry. I am not a complicated human being: I just want to be loved, and I just want you to love me! I JUST WANT TO FALL ASLEEP TO THE SOUND OF YOU BREATHING! (That melody is sweeter than their “Colly Strings”) But the static on the phone lines is getting worse and worse… (and I can’t hear either, no I can’t hear anything!)

This city is full of so many broken dreams and so many beautiful memories - - - 1,465 miles from Albuquerque to Salt Lake to Oregon to Seattle to Vivace’s Coffee (to the park by your place) 23 hours and 9 minutes on the interstate and if I start driving now I can make it in a day…

This city’s laid out like a broken machine (ALLY! ALLY!) Are you coming home for me? I’m sorry I haven’t written – it’s been a while since I’ve dreamed… It’s been a while since I’ve acted on my hopes for anything. (But I miss your kiss) and my favorite thing is when I can still taste the nicotine on your lips… could you tell me that you’re crazy about me and act like you mean it?

This city breaks me down like a massive machine and if there is no hope for me, then forget it, I’ll just leave! I’m hitting the road, I miss you so much when talk on the phone but my letters are so sparse, I just wanted you to know: NO MATTER HOW FAR I CHASE MY DREAMS, MY DREAM WILL ALWAYS BE YOU AND ME. (and I swear we’ll make a memory out of this solemn scene.) Would you have never loved at all or lost but loved completely?

WELL I LOVE YOU COMPLETELY! (and you love me enough to let me go)