[Verse 1]
I know why you've brought me here
But first I'd like to say
It was a nice and strange surprise
You seeing me today
I love this corporation
Whatever it is we do
But I know there's been questions asked
About my attitude

[Verse 2]
We're one big happy family here
I read that in the note
That's pinned up on the noticeboard
That hides behind our coats
And most of your employees
Are inspired by that joke
"You don't have to be mad to work here"
And I'm not and don't

[Chorus]
So you can't fire me
Well, I want to make that clear
Well, first you'd have to hire me
And get me all the gear
And stick me in a cubicle
Insure me it for a year
Oh, but right now, you can't fire me
'Cause I don't work here
[Verse 3]
Well, I know I'm late and lazy
And here with no excuse
And yes, I'm drinking whiskey
From a flask marked orange juice
And I can't even claim to be
Uniquely qualified
Well, no one knows just what I do
And when I do it, why

[Chorus]
Oh, you can't fire me
Well, I want to make that clear
Well, first you'd have to hire me
And get me all the gear
And stick me in a cubicle
Insure me for a year
Oh, but right now, you can't fire me
'Cause I don't work here

[Bridge]
But I like hanging out and being rude
And stealing all of your supplies
Everything's so lax round here
And I think you should get a private eye
An office spy
La lie la lie, la lie la lie
[Verse 4]
Well, I wanted a large company
Where I could feel at ease
Become part of the furniture
And turn up when I please
And here I really feel at home
But I wish that I was paid
So when there is a vacancy
Well, here's my resume

[Chorus]
Then maybe you can fire me
Well, I want to make that clear
Well, first you'll have to hire me
And get me all the gear
And stick me in a cubicle
Insure me for a year
Ah, but till then, you can't fire me
'Cause I don't work here
And right now, you can't fire me
'Cause I don't work here
I said right now, you can't fire me
'Cause I don't work here