[AGNES & HILDA]
These are dangerous times
When salons are almost crimes

[AGNES]
So careful what you share beyond these walls

[HILDA]
Out there a thunder hums

[AGNES]
As the Inquisition comes

[HILDA]
But here at Gretchen Wagner's

[AGNES & HILDA]
Your sanctuary calls

[GRETCHEN, spoken]
Good evening, my friends-my curious croissants! Welcome! Together, we've kept our little city of Hertz safe from the Inquisition. Outside, the world is raging and burning, but here in my home, you can...
(sung)
Say what you feel
Feel whom you'd like
Anything goes
Here in my reich
Safe in my home
Home in my den
Do what you want
Then do it again

In here the universe is yours
So trust me, you're safe behind closed doors

[AGNES, spoken]
In Mainz the Prince Archbishop Peter wages his bloody Inquisition

[HILDA, spoken]
Men and women are burned every day!

[AGNES]
And right here in Hertz the Bishop Francis is preaching that our Salon is really a coven of witches!

[AGNES & HILDA cackle]

[GRETCHEN, sung]
Call me a witch
Which I'll refute
You're on the hunt;
I know your route

I am the prey
Pray that it's quick
When it goes in
I'll own the stick
Believe each piece of me is yours
But I know my heart's behind closed doors!

[AGNES, spoken]
The bishop Francis goes on and on about the evil that has penetrated our city!

[HILDA, spoken]
He says there's dangers around every crumbling curve and corner!

[GRETCHEN, spoken]
His sermons about the depth of our ladies' necklines and the size of our gentlemen's codpieces have one goal: He wants to bring the Inquisition to Hertz!

[AGNES & HILDA, sung]
The Inquisition's coming and it's picking up its pace!

[YOUNG MAN ONE, spoken]
But the new Baron says he won't allow the Inquisition into Hertz!

[AGNES & HILDA, sung]
But in his new position will he hold onto his place?

[VALENTINE, spoken]
Karl? Does this codpiece showcase things well?

[AGNES & HILDA, sung]
The Baron is a baby, can he even keep it up?
[HILDA]
Tell us what you're doing in his chambers

[AGNES]
Here and now!

[HILDA]
Tell us ever single tiny detail

[AGNES & HILDA]
Then show us how!

[GRETCHEN, spoken]
There! You see, my sticky strudels? The very heavens compel to keep it to myself!

[YOUNG MEN, sung]
Gretchen, cut the bullshit!
Tell us what you're thinking now!

[GRETCHEN, spoken]
Ah yes, thinking! That's why we're here. Hilda, Agnes dear, what is our first reading tonight?

[HILDA, spoken]
Aristotle

[GRETCHEN]
Wonderful. Who would like to start?
(sung aside)
Sometimes late at night there's a lonely girl
Hiding from the shadows of the day...

[YOUNG MEN laugh, jolting GRETCHEN back to reality]

[AGNES & HILDA, sung]
Now that we're here
Hear what we say
Feast on our facts
We're here all day

Lap up our wine
Whine all you wish
Empty your fears

[AGNES]
Come taste my fish!

[HILDA]
Chouquettes

[AGNES & HILDA]
The thinking world is yours!
But only in here behind closed doors!

[GRETCHEN, spoken]
Hilda. I've got to run outside for a moment

[HILDA, spoken]
What?

[GRETCHEN]
They're here!

[HILDA]
Who?

[GRETCHEN]
I'll be back!

[AGNES, sung]
Out there those who run the Inquisition
Say we're wrong

[HILDA, sung]
In here we can read and challenge thinking

[AGNES & HILDA]
So join our song!
Shhh...

[ENSEMBLE]
Follow your nose
Know where to rest
Sniff out the path
Come be our guest

Seek out the way
Weigh all the facts
Broaden your mind
Then, come relax

[ENSEMBLE, AGNES & HILDA]
In here the thinking world endures

[AGNES & HILDA]
But only when kept behind closed doors!

[VALENTINE, spoken]
Karl, the umbrella! My codpiece!

[ALL, sung]
The heavens align
Follow that star
Chart out your course

[AGNES, HILDA, VALENTINE & GRETCHEN]
Hide who you are!

[ALL]
One you in here
One you out there
Pick up a mask

[AGNES, HILDA, VALENTINE & GRETCHEN]
Choose which to wear!

[GRETCHEN, spoken]
Frau Faustus -

[ANA, spoken]
How do you know who I am?

[ALL]
Let them think the face you wear is yours

[HILDA & AGNES]
Remove it!

[ALL]
When you're behind closed doors!