1. "Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends"

2. "I'm Not Your Cup Of Tea But I'm Your Seventh Shot of Tequila"

3. "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"

4. "Chicago Is So Two Years Ago"

5. "Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes"

6. "I Don't Burst Bubbles, I Burst Eardrums"

7. "It's Hard To Say "I Do", When I Don't"

8. "Excuse My French But Fuck You"

9. "You Can't Bear It But I Have The Necessary Koalafications"

10. "I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me"