[Intro: "Weird Al" Yankovic]
So you're saying it's a mix up
Of the sounds that I just made
That coaxed the snicker from your throat
In a delicate cascade?
If I did it one more time
If I reproduced that feat
Mixed up some letters here and there
You'd "lelly-baugh" tout suite?

[Chorus: "Weird Al" Yankovic & Andrea Libman]
Then that's all I need to do
That's who I need to be
I thought I needed laughter
But it has to come from me
Squirting flowers and knobby knees
Rubber chickens my expertise
If you want laughter, then stick with Cheese
Yeah!

[Verse 1: "Weird Al" Yankovic]
I supposed now I should amp things up
To get the thing I'm after
Move whole syll-AB-les around
And change em-PHA-sis to get laughter
Can't stop now, I'm on a roll
I've almost got it back
Bright folks like you aren't subject to
My play-on-words attack!
[Pre-Chorus: "Weird Al" Yankovic & Andrea Libman]
With something else, I'll have to play
To get me where I'm going
Whatcha gonna do?
Some Commedia dell'arte
To get the laughter flowing

[Chorus: "Weird Al" Yankovic]
And it's what I need to do
It's who I need to be
I thought I needed laughter
But it has to come from me
Follow right behind, if you please
Walk this way and I guarantee
If you want laughter, then stick with Cheese

[Post-Chorus: "Weird Al" Yankovic & Andrea Libman]
Accordion solo!
Shred it, Cheese!
[accordion playing]
Whoo! [laughing and whooping]

[Chorus: "Weird Al" Yankovic]
And it's what I need to do
It's who I need to be
I thought I needed laughter
But it has to come from me
Whoopee cushions and Dungarees
I know jokes like my A-B-C's
If you want laughter, then stick with Cheese
[Verse 2: "Weird Al" Yankovic & Andrea Libman]
And now my biggest test
The hardest fish to fry
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
A mind so analytical
A sense of humor dry
(So dry)
To make you laugh would prove to me
That this experiment's done
(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Something ridiculous and not too smart
Something like a pun

[Intermission: "Weird Al" Yankovic & Jesse Inocalla, spoken]
Hey, Sans! How did the laughing bird's eggs hatch?
They cracked up!
Sir... that is so... ridiculous! [laughs]

[Chorus: "Weird Al" Yankovic & Choir]
Then that's all I need to do
That's all I need to see
I thought I needed laughter
But it had to come from me
Squirting flowers and knobby knees
Rubber chickens and Dungarees
If you want laughter, then stick with Cheese!