[Young Fiona]
Settle in girls, it's story time!

There's a princess
In a tower
Oh my gosh, that's just like me!
Poor Rapunzel
Needs a haircut
But the witch won't set her free
She passes time by singing
Like someone else I know
As years go by she sits and waits
As years go by? Uh oh
A torturous existence
I don't remember this part!
She wishes she were dead?
Skip ahead! Skip ahead!
But in the end Rapunzel finds a millionaire
The prince is good at climbing
And braiding golden hair!

So I know, he'll appear
Cause there are rules and there are strictures
I believe the storybooks I read by candlelight
My white knight, and his steed
Will look just like these pictures!
It won't be long now, I guarantee!
Day number... Twenty three
I know it's today
I know it's today!

[Teenage Fiona]
Oh here's a good one! It's a classic!

There's a princess
In a coma
Glad it's her instead of me
Pretty maiden
In a glass box
How I wonder does she pee?
Blah blah blah, poison apple
Boring boring, evil queen
Filler filler, been there, read that!
Seven shorties on the scene
Skip ahead, skip ahead!
But in the end the princess wakes up with a start
The prince is good at kissing
And melting Snow White's heart!

So I know, he'll appear
And his armor will be blinding!
As shining as his perfect teeth
And manly hose
He'll propose
On one knee
And our pre-nup will be binding!
About time we set the wedding date!
Day number nine hundred and fifty eight
I know it's today
He'll show up today!

[Fiona]
There's a princess!
Any princess!
Take your pick, they're all like me!
Not exactly, I'm still waiting!
They're out living happily
Ever after better get here
I want love in seconds flat!
No one needs these middle bits
Oops, did I do that?

Cut the villains, cut the vamping
Cut this fairy tale
Cut the peril and the pitfalls
Cut the puppet and the whale!
Cut the monsters! Cut the curses!
Keep the intro! Cut the verses!
And the waiting! The waiting! The waiting! The waiting!
The waiting!

But I know, he'll appear
Though I seem a bit bipolar...
And I'm a vandal now as well, hope he won't mind
I'm a find, I'm a catch
And a very gifted bowler!
It won't be long now, I guarantee!
Day number...
Are you there god?
It's me Fiona

[All]
It's me Fiona!

Now I know, he'll appear
Cause there are rules and there are strictures
I believe the storybooks I read by candlelight
My white knight, my knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures!
It won't be long now, I guarantee!

[Young Fiona]
Day number twenty three

[Teenage Fiona]
Day number nine fifty-eight

[Fiona]
Day number eight thousand, four hundred and... Twenty three

[Young Fiona]
I know it's today, oooo!

[Teenage Fiona]
I know it's today, oooo!

[Fiona]
I know it's today, oooo!

[Young Fiona]
I know it's today, oooo!

[Teenage Fiona]
I know it's today, oooo!

[Fiona]
I know it's today

[All]
I know it's today!