Lyrics by MC Lars
Music by MC Lars & Rob Seals

[Homophobe]: Dude that band’s so gay
[Lars]: Really? You mean they’re jovial, happy and good-spirited?
[Homophobe]: Wait, what? No I mean, their music sucks
[Lars]: Oh, I thought you were trying to speak English just then, my bad

To the dudes across the world, I’ve got something to say
If you see beauty in the human form, that means you’re kind of gay
Alred Kinsey said it best – the human scale is sliding
Completely gay or straight, there’s no clear dividing
And subjects like these strike a serious chord
They tell you that it’s wrong to be Bi-curious George
It’s the feeling that you get watching sports with your buddies!
In any room of 9ers fans, half of them have chubbies
Footballs that’s gay, Milonakis had it right
Guys shower in the locker room and put on pads and tights
They dance around with balls and slap each other’s butts
If you told me that was straight, then I’d tell you that you’re nuts
Construction men are gay, erecting buildings all day long
Check the Washington Monument, it looks like a giant schlong
Redneck guys are in the closet, but don’t feel bad
There's still room for rainbow bars on Confederate flags

[Hook]
Everyone’s a little bit gay
We try to hide it try to put it away
Confusing feelings don’t mean they’re wrong
So just sit back listen to my song
Everyone’s a little bit gay
Don’t get defensive, just know it’s okay
Homophobic guys hear what I say
You loved the Village People back in the day

Renaissance man? You can’t convince me
That you like chicks yo, right da Vinci?
He liked pepperoni on and off the plate
Just like Aristotle and Alexander the Great
Or ask Walt Whitman and Henry Thoreau
Male bondin’ at Walden many years ago
And friendship love’s confusing surely
Ask Ren & Stimpy, or Bert and Ernie
Rappers on the DL, have a secret plan
Rob Halford came out, and Atom Goren understands
Carson Daily’s manorexic so gay in his demeanor
Just like Pete Wentz, taking pictures of wiener
The AFI guy? Nobody really knows
Check out exhibit A: Glittler Boy Clothes?
But MC Lars isn’t gay! I get with chicks every night
So the world will know I’m straight, I mean
That makes sense, right, (Yeah) right…. ? (It Does)

[Hook]
Everyone’s a little bit gay
We try to hide it try to put it away
Confusing feelings don’t mean they’re wrong
So just sit back listen to my song
Everyone’s a little bit gay
You can’t deny it, despite what you say
Before you go and judge someone different, wait
Voting Republican won’t make you straight

Let me break it down, it’s not that scary
You come home for Christmas with a guy named Harry
You offend your mom And your Uncle Larry
You’ve got to do your thing, just ask Chuck Berry
They ban gay marriage they say it’s weird
But tradition comes from habit and tradition comes from fear
And say people rock, just check the facts
So if you’re hating on my homos then you’re bound to get a smack

[Hook]
Everyone’s a little bit gay
We try to hide it try to put it away
Confusing feelings don’t mean they’re wrong
So just sit back listen to my song
Everyone’s a little bit gay
Don’t get stressed, just know it’s okay
Homophobic rappers hear what I say
You moonwalked in Crenshaw back in the day