She’s the Lucy to my Slug, the Kim to my Slim Shady
Here’s the story of a girl who was literally my “baby”
And maybe now it’s time I put it all on the table
Living fables, I enabled, we were doomed like Cain and Able
Now this pederast can’t be arrested I guess it would be better to stay quiet
Young vixen victims all up on my list wish that I could deny it
Catastrophe, but don’t laugh at me, it’s blasphemy what I do
Cause I was touched my Uncle Lou and that’s why I’m touching you
I’m kind of like Kevin Spacey, but in my version of the movie
You’ll find me at the playground giving candy to American Beauties
They say that the private me is a public enemy (it’s true)
To everything that’s pure and good, so I guess we’ll wait and see
Fantasies of puberty keep me up every night
So I escape into the past, with my talons holding tight
High school girls (seriously?) please, they’re over the hill
But for you my Lolita, I would lie cheat and kill

[Hook]

Lolita when you coming home
I’m all alone
I’m waiting by the phone my love Lolita
When you coming back?
I’m tearing down your Twilight posters
’cause without you life is whack

Lolita when you coming home
I’m all alone
I’m waiting by the phone my love Lolita
When you coming back?
’cause your lover Daddy Mac
Just might have a heart attack

I like ‘em young, like Evan Rachel Wood to Marilyn Manson
They try to catch me on Facebook – but I’m straight ducking Chris Hansen
Woody Allen would agree, that the male ego needs this
I’m down with Lot’s daughters ask Robert Polhemus
They said beauty is truth and truth is beauty
So what’s hotter than a pre-teen shaking that booty?
Don’t judge – take a look at the media ideal
Youth it appeals – I’m just keeping real
My black van and candy make little girls smile
The name’s Humbert Humbert, world famous pedophile
I’ll take her in the back where I’ll defile
With roofies and rope ’cause that’s my style
Lolita will do my laundry when we buy a house together
I’ll wake her up on Christmas once a year with a brand new sweater
Stuck in my heart shaped box, sick like Polly, she’s not leaving
I’ve thrown away the key, but Lolita’s still kicking and screaming
I’ll buy her school supplies and when September comes
At the parent teacher conference they’ll all be like “Um…
Are you the Dad or the lover, it’s gotta be one or the other”
When a man walks in with an itty bitty waif
And he ain’t no foster mother he gets caught

[Hook]
Lolita when you coming home, I’m all alone
I’m waiting by the phone my love Lolita
When you coming back?
Want to tie you up in Silly Bandz
And give that butt a smack (Mix-a-Lot)

Lolita when you coming home, I’m all alone
I’m waiting by the phone my love Lolita
When you coming back?
’cause your lover Daddy Mac
Just might have a heart attack

Lolita when you coming home, I’m all alone
I’m waiting by the phone my love Lolita
When you coming back?
Let’s put on Justin Bieber
While we play with candle wax

Lolita when you coming home, I’m all alone
I’m waiting by the phone my love Lolita
When you coming back?
When you coming back my love Lolita