[Verse 1: Doris Day]
In the summer, you're the winter
In the finger, you're the splinter
In the banquet, you're the stew
Say, I c'n do without you!

[Verse 2: Howard Keel]
In the garden, you're the gopher
In the Levi's, you're the loafer
Like an overturned canoe
Well, I c'n do without you!

[Pre-Chorus 1: Doris Day]
You c'n go to Philadelphia
Take a hack to Hackensack. Hey!
I'll never ring a bell fer ya
Or yell fer ya to come back!

[Chorus 1: Howard Keel, Doris Day]
In the question, you're the why
In the ointment, you're the fly
Though I know some things are indispensable
Like a buck or two
'f there's one thing I c'n do without
I c'n do without you!
[Verse 3: Howard Keel]
In the barrel, you're a pickle
In the gold mine, you're a nickel
You're the tack inside my shoe
Yeah, I c'n do without you!

[Verse 4: Doris Day]
In my bosom, you're a dagger
You're a mangy carpetbagger
In the theater, you're the "Boo!"
I c'n do without you

[Pre-Chorus 2: Howard Keel, Doris Day]
You got charms, they ain't bewitchin' me
You've a face no one wud paint
I got the darnedest itch in me
To be wherever you ain't!

[Chorus 2: Howard Keel, Doris Day]
In the bullfrog, you're the croak
In the forest, poison oak!
Though I know some things are necessary
My half-pint buckaroo
'f there's one thing I c'n do without
I c'n do without
[Outro: Howard Keel, Doris Day, both]
You're a knothead!
You're a faker!
You're a bonehead!
Trouble-maker!
I c'n do without you!