[Verse 1]
Make your money with a suit and tie
Make your money with shrewd denial
Make your money expert advice
If you can wing it
Make your money with a power ply
Make your money with a buyout bribe
You can lie
As long as you mean it

[Chorus 1]
I'm not king of comedy
Grease the pig, give a squeeze
I'm not king of comedy
Grease the pig, give a squeeze

[Verse 2]
Make your money with exploitation
Make it holy with illumination
Say a prayer at every station
Don't forget to ask for mercy
Make your money with a pretty face
Make it easy with product placement
Make it charged with controversy
I'm straight, I'm queer, I'm bi
[Chorus 2]
I'm not king of comedy
I'm not your magazine
I'm not your television
Television

[Verse 3]
Make your money, make it rich
Make it young and make it quick
Make your money on the jukebox, baby
It's pick-up sticks
Make your enemies make your moves
Make your critics fumble through
Make it smart and make it schmooze
Make it look easy

[Chorus 2]
I'm not king of comedy
I'm not your magazine
I am not your television
I'm not your movie screen

[Outro]
I'm not commodity
(All together now)
I am not accommodating