SCENE II. The same. Garden of JULIA's house.

     Enter JULIA and LUCETTA

JULIA
      But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
      Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?

LUCETTA
      Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully.

JULIA
      Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
      That every day with parle encounter me,
      In thy opinion which is worthiest love?

LUCETTA
      Please you repeat their names, I'll show my mind
      According to my shallow simple skill.

JULIA
      What think'st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour?

LUCETTA
      As of a knight well-spoken, neat and fine;
      But, were I you, he never should be mine.

JULIA
      What think'st thou of the rich Mercatio?

LUCETTA
      Well of his wealth; but of himself, so so.

JULIA
      What think'st thou of the gentle Proteus?

LUCETTA
      Lord, Lord! to see what folly reigns in us!

JULIA
      How now! what means this passion at his name?

LUCETTA
      Pardon, dear madam: 'tis a passing shame
      That I, unworthy body as I am,
      Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.

JULIA
      Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest?

LUCETTA
      Then thus: of many good I think him best.

JULIA
      Your reason?

LUCETTA
      I have no other, but a woman's reason;
      I think him so because I think him so.

JULIA
      And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him?

LUCETTA
      Ay, if you thought your love not cast away.

JULIA
      Why he, of all the rest, hath never moved me.

LUCETTA
      Yet he, of all the rest, I think, best loves ye.

JULIA
      His little speaking shows his love but small.

LUCETTA
      Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.

JULIA
      They do not love that do not show their love.

LUCETTA
      O, they love least that let men know their love.

JULIA
      I would I knew his mind.

LUCETTA
      Peruse this paper, madam.

JULIA
      'To Julia.' Say, from whom?

LUCETTA
      That the contents will show.

JULIA
      Say, say, who gave it thee?

LUCETTA
      Valentine's page; and sent, I think, from Proteus.
      He would have given it you; but I, being in the way,
      Did in your name receive it: pardon the
      fault I pray.

JULIA
      Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!
      Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
      To whisper and conspire against my youth?
      Now, trust me, 'tis an office of great worth
      And you an officer fit for the place.
      Or else return no more into my sight.

LUCETTA
      To plead for love deserves more fee than hate.

JULIA
      Will ye be gone?

LUCETTA
      That you may ruminate.

      Exit

JULIA
      And yet I would I had o'erlooked the letter:
      It were a shame to call her back again
      And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
      What a fool is she, that knows I am a maid,
      And would not force the letter to my view!
      Since maids, in modesty, say 'no' to that
      Which they would have the profferer construe 'ay.'
      Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love
      That, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse
      And presently all humbled kiss the rod!
      How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
      When willingly I would have had her here!
      How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
      When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!
      My penance is to call Lucetta back
      And ask remission for my folly past.
      What ho! Lucetta!

      Re-enter LUCETTA

LUCETTA
      What would your ladyship?

JULIA
      Is't near dinner-time?

LUCETTA
      I would it were,
      That you might kill your stomach on your meat
      And not upon your maid.

JULIA
      What is't that you took up so gingerly?

LUCETTA
      Nothing.

JULIA
      Why didst thou stoop, then?

LUCETTA
      To take a paper up that I let fall.

JULIA
      And is that paper nothing?

LUCETTA
      Nothing concerning me.

JULIA
      Then let it lie for those that it concerns.

LUCETTA
      Madam, it will not lie where it concerns
      Unless it have a false interpeter.

JULIA
      Some love of yours hath writ to you in rhyme.

LUCETTA
      That I might sing it, madam, to a tune.
      Give me a note: your ladyship can set.

JULIA
      As little by such toys as may be possible.
      Best sing it to the tune of 'Light o' love.'

LUCETTA
      It is too heavy for so light a tune.

JULIA
      Heavy! belike it hath some burden then?

LUCETTA
      Ay, and melodious were it, would you sing it.

JULIA
      And why not you?

LUCETTA
      I cannot reach so high.

JULIA
      Let's see your song. How now, minion!

LUCETTA
      Keep tune there still, so you will sing it out:
      And yet methinks I do not like this tune.

JULIA
      You do not?

LUCETTA
      No, madam; it is too sharp.

JULIA
      You, minion, are too saucy.

LUCETTA
      Nay, now you are too flat
      And mar the concord with too harsh a descant:
      There wanteth but a mean to fill your song.

JULIA
      The mean is drown'd with your unruly bass.

LUCETTA
      Indeed, I bid the base for Proteus.

JULIA
      This babble shall not henceforth trouble me.
      Here is a coil with protestation!

      Tears the letter

      Go get you gone, and let the papers lie:
      You would be fingering them, to anger me.

LUCETTA
      She makes it strange; but she would be best pleased
      To be so anger'd with another letter.

      Exit

JULIA
      Nay, would I were so anger'd with the same!
      O hateful hands, to tear such loving words!
      Injurious wasps, to feed on such sweet honey
      And kill the bees that yield it with your stings!
      I'll kiss each several paper for amends.
      Look, here is writ 'kind Julia.' Unkind Julia!
      As in revenge of thy ingratitude,
      I throw thy name against the bruising stones,
      Trampling contemptuously on thy disdain.
      And here is writ 'love-wounded Proteus.'
      Poor wounded name! my bosom as a bed
      Shall lodge thee till thy wound be thoroughly heal'd;
      And thus I search it with a sovereign kiss.
      But twice or thrice was 'Proteus' written down.
      Be calm, good wind, blow not a word away
      Till I have found each letter in the letter,
      Except mine own name: that some whirlwind bear
      Unto a ragged fearful-hanging rock
      And throw it thence into the raging sea!
      Lo, here in one line is his name twice writ,
      'Poor forlorn Proteus, passionate Proteus,
      To the sweet Julia:' that I'll tear away.
      And yet I will not, sith so prettily
      He couples it to his complaining names.
      Thus will I fold them one on another:
      Now kiss, embrace, contend, do what you will.

      Re-enter LUCETTA

LUCETTA
      Madam,
      Dinner is ready, and your father stays.

JULIA
      Well, let us go.

LUCETTA
      What, shall these papers lie like tell-tales here?

JULIA
      If you respect them, best to take them up.

LUCETTA
      Nay, I was taken up for laying them down:
      Yet here they shall not lie, for catching cold.

JULIA
      I see you have a month's mind to them.

LUCETTA
      Ay, madam, you may say what sights you see;
      I see things too, although you judge I wink.

JULIA
      Come, come; will't please you go?

     Exeunt