SCENE V. A street in Milan.

      Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally

SPEED
      Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Padua!

LAUNCE
      Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not
      welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never
      undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a
      place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess
      say 'Welcome!'

SPEED
      Come on, you madcap, I'll to the alehouse with you
      presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou
      shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how
      did thy master part with Madam Julia?

LAUNCE
      Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very
      fairly in jest.

SPEED
      But shall she marry him?

LAUNCE
      No.

SPEED
      How then? shall he marry her?

LAUNCE
      No, neither.

SPEED
      What, are they broken?

LAUNCE
      No, they are both as whole as a fish.

SPEED
      Why, then, how stands the matter with them?

LAUNCE
      Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it
      stands well with her.

SPEED
      What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.

LAUNCE
      What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My
      staff understands me.

SPEED
      What thou sayest?

LAUNCE
      Ay, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean,
      and my staff understands me.

SPEED
      It stands under thee, indeed.

LAUNCE
      Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.

SPEED
      But tell me true, will't be a match?

LAUNCE
      Ask my dog: if he say ay, it will! if he say no,
      it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.

SPEED
      The conclusion is then that it will.

LAUNCE
      Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.

SPEED
      'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest
      thou, that my master is become a notable lover?

LAUNCE
      I never knew him otherwise.

SPEED
      Than how?

LAUNCE
      A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.

SPEED
      Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakest me.

LAUNCE
      Why, fool, I meant not thee; I meant thy master.

SPEED
      I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.

LAUNCE
      Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself
      in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse;
      if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the
      name of a Christian.

SPEED
      Why?

LAUNCE
      Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to
      go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?

SPEED
      At thy service.

      Exeunt