[LARS:] August 4th, 1990, kicking it across the bay
When we went straight to that island
On that momentous day
To explore it, not ignore it, like Christopher C
MNP and Lars H., pioneers adrift at sea
And so we went ashore
Knowing not what was in store
‘till there came a crazy noise that we could not ignore
Fourteen robo-primates, they came straight for us
Nasty and ugly, like a zit brimming with puss
So we hopped into our boat, hoping it would float
‘till we found a robo-monkey had chewed it like a goat
And a big hole remained at the bottom of our craft
As it began to sink, the robo-creatures laughed
Then out of the woods came more robots by the dozens
Daddies, mommies, aunts, and uncles, grandmas, grandpas, and cousins…
Whole robo-families, thirsting for blood
Vampiric evil machines caked in oil, grease, and blood

[Chorus]
Escape from Robot Island
We’ll take them to the desert
Trip their circuits and fry them
Can’t stay in Robot Island
These robots are maniacal
Let’s beat them up and hide them
Get out of Robot Island
Don’t want to be your robo-lunch
Your robo-canned-food-blend
Delete Robot Island, you evil R2D2’s
Now it’s time to meet your end

[MNP:] What’s that you say, boy haven’t you heard?
Call me a stupid-ass white boy, flip me the bird?
I want to smack you right now in the face
But they’re locked on me, stalking this place
Today has been a scary day
These robots they don’t want to play
Their bodies are metallic gray
Their wires look like plastic hay
These robots chased us through the night
Everybody knows that I put up a fight
To the different kinds, they blow my mind
Giant eyeball watching me reading my mind
There are fury ones with blades
Coming out of their fur
Robots riding chariots just like Ben-Hur
A ton that will toss you in a chasm
Balls that drill you like in Phantasm
Tall ones, short ones, round ones, long ones
Little ones, green ones, right ones, wrongs
Batteries not included, these things attack
Model ZX goes for your sack
Big metal teeth ain’t too friendly
Mechanical death? That’s not for me!
All the different Doomsday Machines
We have to stop them with live-or-die means
They have their cold metallic hearts
Soulless just like Kinkade's art
We need to learn to play the part
Getting out alive is where we’ll start
Saving ourselves, see that is our mission
Like I’m running from the firm in the novel by Grisham
Or Tommyknockers, by Mr. King
On the run and this ain’t no dream

[REPEAT Chorus]
[MNP:] Hiding out on the tree house floor
Evil bots knocking at the door
[LARS:] We climbed up here to get away
And we’ve been stuck all night and day
[MNP:] We built a gun, quadruple barreled
Quiver filled with acid arrows
[LARS:] There was a chainsaw that we found
Like Ash we wielded it around
[MNP:] We used it like a robot shank
Little did we know the chain would break
[LARS:] We hat a copper melting pot
Filled with oil very hot
[MNP:] It burned right through the wooden planks
They climbed up and they said, “Thanks.”
[LARS:] They want violence, not harmless pranks
[MNP:] Run, Lars, run, just like Tom Hanks

[ROBOT:] Foolish humans, time to die
We’ll gobble you up like ham on rye

[LARS:] We’ve done everything that we can do;
It was up to me, now it’s up to you
[MNP:] The arrows, we still have those
Let’s fire them and see how it goes

[ROBOT:] Foolish humans, that won’t work
We’ll get you both, prepare to hurt
Your blood will drip
Your blood will spurt and
You’ll be six feet under dirt

[MNP:] So this is what it feels like being the prey?
The early bot gets the human, or so they say
[LARS:] Wait! It’s time to die? I don’t want to go yet!
I never went to Russia or owned a private jet
I never kissed a lion or went bowling n***
I’ve never gone hang gliding or had hamster food
[MNP:] Pull yourself together man
You’re getting me annoyed
Let’s not go out in shame!
Let’s go out shooting droids
You forgot about my Remington
Taped to my Smith & Wesson
My aim is next to perfect
Let’s teach these things a lesson
Stop!

[ROBOT:] No!

[LARS:] Shoot!
[MNP:] Yes, I’m about to do it
[LARS:] Go! MNP: Ha!
[LARS:] Nice, but we’re not half-way through it
There’s eight-hundred more
And you’ve only got two bullets
[MNP:] If anyone can make it
MNP and Lars can do it
[LARS:] You’re right MNP
Let’s overcome our fears
Machines won’t run humanity
Like twisted engineers

[REPEAT Chorus]