Karyn White
Free
I wish that somebody would bring me a compass or even a map
Just something to distract me from the fact that I am lost
I got caught up in the whirlwind of experimentation
And I don’t mean sexual relations
Or physical stimulation limitations;
I got lost by love
See, the media has convinced me that all men lie and all men cheat
And if you’re bound to be disrespected then why bother speak?
That black men don’t want brown girls to match with
If a guy shows any interest don’t get too attached
He will leave. And I’ve found a good one
A really good guy but when you are stuck in a negative mind state
You feel like happiness is a lie
And you wait for someone to do you wrong ‘cause you’ve never been done right
So, you put on your scariest mask
Pull out your ugliest words
Stab deep wounds with your sharpest attitudes
And wait for someone to abandon you
Like you assume you deserve
See, I grew up making the assumption that you date to break up
No such thing as a permanent make-up
You marry to divorce, make rules just to enforce
And you forget that love is about loving somebody
Not picking them apart, not fighting, but love
And I’ve waited years for this guy to mess up
I ran from the truth cause it wasn’t enough
I wanted lies, I wanted to be fooled so I can move forward
And not have to worry about being lied to or fooled anymore
I spat hate, he swallowed pride
I cooked pain, he threw up lies
I kicked him out, he came inside
I walked away, he walked beside
I called him out, he never denied a thing
He continued to be patient and I hated it
I would look through his phone
Hoping to catch him calling another girl by my name
I would yell anytime he left the house with hopes of driving him so crazy
That he would approach another girl with the same lips that kiss me goodbye
I would get an attitude when he told me how much he loved me
And hopes that maybe he wouldn’t love me anymore and I would finally be free
And now that I am alone, I realized that the definition of free has changed
What’s free about checking your phone knowing you won’t have a text?
Or a guy telling you “you’re beautiful and if you ever need sex, can I be next?”
I mean what’s free about nobody being there to defend you when you’re called out your name
And now that I’ve grown up, being free isn’t the same
So yes, ladies. Some guys will cheat, some will lie and even disrespect you
But when you come across a good man
Don’t scare him, don’t share him and when you’re given the truth
Don’t pray for a lie
Free
Free
Free is me
Free is we
Free as the sky
Being lost in love will have you hitchhiking on the corner of lost and confused
Seeking refuge in a focus
Hopes of hocus pocus
Smoothing over wrinkles noticed in a young brow and a soft girl becoming caramelized
Turning darker
Getting hardened
Saying excuses
Dolly parton'ed
And she believed his lies
Cause he lied so good
But he wasn't a good one
Again
And then suddenly there is no good one
The end
His story
Defend
Ten stories, dug in
That’s a deep foundation of concrete around her heart, with a mote in front of it
No boat to tug in it
And a host of lover friends bout that business from that start
The good ones go
Drake buckled up and in the playlist of her sadness ipod shuffled in maddness
Nd’ she darts off of start and runs faster than fastest
On highway 360
Shifting her shifty curves
Spitting her splitting verbs
Wheeling men in and kicking them to the curb
But one don’t kick well
Hun don’t fit the spell
Love gon sit with her while inside she kicks and yells
“Why are you still here?”
And “Why aren’t you gone?”
And “Where the hell did you find that boat for that mote in my lawn?”
And “Why don’t you regret that I’ve hurt you with my song?”
“Why harmonize with my pride and make me feel less wrong?”
And “Why did he and he and he help produce my melody, but you pitch correct and then perfect my music with your key”
“Why do i feel less hatred the more you let me cry?”
And “Why do you kiss my tears and taste each year and each lie?, I mean why?”
“Tell me why it means that much to me”
The answer glistened in his eye
The definition of free
The definition of free
The definition of me
I saw the sky in his eyes
It was the definition of free
Demise in his eyes
My own perception of me
I saw surprise in my eyes that I could finally see the definition of me
I saw the bew and the tee
Aw man I saw excuses drip away
And heard the music in me
The definition of me
The definition of free
I saw myself in his eyes
And i fell in love with we
Free
Free