[Intro]
Although this next song takes place in Mississippi
This is a situation that could happen almost anywhere
It's all a of matter of two people discussing a very small incident
Until it really gets all out of proportion
In this case ...

[Verse 1]
Two men sittin' in straight back chairs
Feet propped up on the railin'
Sittin' in front of the country store
Discussin' how the crops were failin'

[Verse 2]
About that time a car drove by
With an Ace Insurance bumper sticker
Well, that must be the man been courtin' Abell
He's somethin' of a city slicker
(I could tell the way he's drivin' that car)

[Verse 3]
Do you reckon he's goin' up to see Abell?
You know her daddy went to Maben this day
And her momma's been in Arkansas with her ailin' pa
Ain't nobody home that way
('Ceptin' Abell)
[Verse 4]
Now, I don't mean nothin' by what I say
But if you won't say it, I can
She ain't got no bid'ness alone
With that Ace Insurance man
(Why they's no tellin' what might happen)

[Verse 5]
People ought to keep an eye on their kids
You remember 'bout Abby McGuinness
Like't killed her ma when she found out about it
Course, I know it ain't none of my bid'ness
But if it was me, (Now, if it was me)

[Verse 6]
Well, it might be too late and it would be a pity
Better call up the sheriff in Calhoun City
And have the preacher organize a 'vestigatin' committee
To see what's goin' on
(Yes, sir and we better hurry, come on)

[Verse 7]
Tearin' down the road in a pickup truck
With Begley out takin' the lead
Followed by a tractor and a half-lame mule
Dust flyin' as they picked up speed
[Verse 8]
Faces beamin' goodness and their jaws set hard
Good people just doin' what's right
And off in the distance was Abell's house
And there wasn't a soul in sight
Aw, I coulda told you
(I just knew it)

[Verse 9]
The committee bounded upon the front porch
To meet the enemy face to face
They went through the fence, into the flower bed
And hit Pa's first prize hog in the head
And left half a dozen Mama's chickens for dead
But it wasn't nobody's fault
Aw, prize hog
(And all of them darlin' old grown bad chickens
I wonder if they're covered?
Got more important things to tend to, boy)

[Verse 10]
Committee bounded upon the front porch
To meet the enemy face to face
Abell hollered through the screen door
"Y'all messed up my Daddy's place"
[Verse 11]
Within her hand she waved a policy
Said with a Mona Lisa grin
"Well, y'all timed that one just about right
'Cause Ace done struck again"