[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ELLEN DEGENERES!
VERSUS!
OPRAH WINFREY!
BEGIN!

[Verse 1: Ellen DeGeneres, Dr. Phil]
Hey God, it's me, Ellen, can I ask you a question?
How do I tell my friend Oprah she's gonna get more whipped than Stedman?
I'll make her head spin, when it comes to rhymes I got a penchant
So battling me is your intention, I better mention you're about to get licked by a lesbian
Oh! I'll nock you off your throne, take a shot at everything you OWN
I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say "I think you better just leave her alone"
You can tell Rachel Ray that my favorite recipe
Is chopping Oprah Winfrey up into a million little pieces

[Verse 2: Oprah Winfrey]
I'm the queen of TV and I'm here to destroy ya
So check under your seat, because I got something for ya!
You can't even hope to be as half as dope as Oprah
I'll attract my hands around your throat and Deepak choke ya!
Girl, your show's a petting zoo, you do a week on kittens
And you dance like a chicken who snuck into Drunk Kitchen
You played a fish with brain damage, I'm a nominated actress
Name synonymous with power, spell it forwards or backwards!
[Verse 3: Ellen DeGeneres]
Yes, you've got that power (Power), and yes I've got those kittens (Kittens)
I also feature puppies, talented children and mittens
I like cute things that make people smile, make everybody feel good for a while
Do a little dance and the crowd goes wild, kick you right back to the Miracle Mile
I thought I told ya, your daytime reign is over
I'm jumping over Oprah like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa
From ABC to LGBT
To NBC and now it's all me
I'm the best MC and the biggest star
I'll bite you in the ass like the tax on a free car

[Verse 4: Oprah Winfrey, Stedman Graham]
Your mouth is writing checks your mullet can't cash, lady!
I'll lodge my fabulous shoe up your suit pants, baby
You follow my lead, 'cause I paved the road for ya
You drive behind me in a second-hand Porsche
Check the Fortune 500, I'm a media wonder
The Dalai Lama and Obama memorize my cell number
Try to beef with me, I'll make the whole market crash
Honey, once you go Oprah, you can't go back

[Outro]
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
YOU DECIDE!
YOU DECIDE!
YOU DECIDE!
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!