Black Salami:
You wanna see some big black lazy dick?
Lemme show you some dick.

[Black Salami pulls out his penis, starts petting it, and then starts wiggling it around]

Bystander #1:
Look at the size of his cock.

Bystander #2:
That's why they call him Black Salami.

[Scene cuts to Black Salami pumping his genitals back and forth]

Bystander #3:
I wish my dick was that big.

Bystander #1:
You got no reez to complain.

[Camera cuts to a body shot of Black Salami wanking his penis]

Black Salami:
The other day,
This guy told me to go fuck myself.
And you know something?
I can.
Just watch.

[Cuts to a body shot of Black Salami attempting to shove his dick up in his ass]

Lyrics:
I wanna bend my dick to my ass
So I can fuck myself
And when I bend my dick I'm gonna fuck my ass
So I can fuck myself

Announcer:
OH HELL NO!

[Video cuts to an extremely close up shot of Black Salami's penis entering his ass, as dubstep starts to play]

[Video cuts back to the bystanders watching in awe]

[Video cuts to Black Salami rubbing and penetrating his penis in and out of his anus, as a shocked Patrick Star meme rises on the screen]

Black Salami:
I hope you guys like that.
See you later.