Coupons! Sales! Deals!
Bargains! Free stuff! Steals!
Buy five marked up, get one half price!
Buy two of one thing and get one thing twice!
Earn customer points when you shop at our store!
Redeem customer points to shop here some more!
And we love America! Hip hip hooray!
Every product made right in the US of A.
So come meet our great big American family.*
And be welcomed with a great big American laugh!

*staff