[Verse 1]
A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
While the rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't wanna end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard"
And bone-digger, bone-digger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away in my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know, I don't find that stuff amusing anymore

[Chorus]
If you'll be my bodyguard
I will be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Call me Al

[Verse 2]
Man walks down the street
He said, "Why am I short of attention?
Got this short little span of attention
And, oh, my nights are so long, and
Wherе's my wife and family?
What if I die herе?
Who'll be my role model
When my role model is gone, gone?"
He ducked back in the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

[Chorus]
If you'll be my bodyguard
I will be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Call me Al
[Verse 3]
And a man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's a third world
Maybe it's his first time around and
He doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He's surrounded by the sound, the sound, the sound
He's surrounded by the sound, the sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, he says, he says, "Hallelujah, amen"
"Hallelujah, amen"

[Chorus]
If you'll be my bodyguard
I will be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al
Call me Al