[PAULETTE]
Elle, do you know the number one reason behind all bad hair decisions?
Love!

You're lost without your love
Your heart is on the floor
I can help you, I've been there before
When I need to relax
I just put on some tracks
From this CD I bought for the store

Isn't that relaxin'?
It's called "Celtic Moods"

When I'm lonely or feeling dejected
I play this and it never fails
I pretend like I'm in Ireland
With Enya and the whales
When my telephone gets disconnected
Or I spend every night alone
I pretend like I'm in Ireland
Where the Irish bagpipes drone

Smell the grass as a rainstorm is ending
People smile while I stroll past their farms
With a red headed sailor named Brenden
And we dance without moving our arms
In a bar once I met this guy, Dewey
And he bought me, like, fourteen beers
And he told that he was from Ireland
So I lived with him ten years
If I squinted, he looked like my sailor
Through my boozy, delusional fog
But he dumped me for some slut named Kayla
Took my trailer and took my dog

In Ireland, they know how to love you
You embrace in the misty Irish breeze
And if your Irish boy tires of you
You're allowed to shoot him in the knees

Hey! You look like that poster for Ireland
Long, blonde hair and that sweet, sunny face
Oh, no, wait, that's the poster for Sweden
Oh, screw it! I'll never see either place

But a girl sweet as you has a future
You have hope as each new day dawns
Girls like you always get to see Ireland
Give my love to the leprechauns