[Verse 1: The SQUIP]
Christine is begging for assistance
Jeremy
She's helpless and craving
She clearly needs saving
And you hold the key

Woah-oh-oh-oh-oh

Jeremy
If you get her corrected
You will be connected
Literally

Woah-oh-oh-oh

She's lost and overcome with hesita-a-ation
She wished she knew what life was all about
A SQUIP can fix her current situa-a-ation
Things will prove without a doubt
It'll be you who helps her out

[Chorus: The SQUIP]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Ensemble]
Woah-oh

[The SQUIP]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Ensemble]
Woah-oh

[The SQUIP]
Let's teach the pitiful children
Who just haven't a clue
Help them to he-e-elp you

[Jeremy (spoken)]
This is Rich's locker

[The SQUIP (spoken)]
Open it

[Jeremy (spoken)]
Well, I don't know the combina-A-tion. Woah
(beat.)
Ladies' running shoes?
(beat.)
There's gotta be enough SQUIPs in here for...

[The SQUIP (spoken)]
The entire school?

[Verse 2: The SQUIP (sung)]
Can you see the vision clearly
Jeremy
People embracing
And interfacing
Beep bop boop boop

Christine will be so thoroughly deli-i-ighted
You'll improve the lives of all your peers
Sync the school; get everyone uni-i-ited
Jocks and geeks will have a chat-

[Jenna Rolan (spoken)]
What the freak is that?

[Jeremy (spoken)]
Oh, I was just filling this beaker with Puck's Pansy serum!
It's just Mountain Dew with some wintergreen Tic Tacs at the bottom

[Jenna (spoken)]
I'm getting Mr. Reyes-

[Jeremy (spoken)]
WOAH, hey!
(prompted by the SQUIP) How.. are.. you... feeling... today?

[Jenna (spoken)]
No one's ever asked me that before
Y'know, I know everything about everyone at this school
And no one knows anything about me

[Jeremy (spoken)]
Cool! Drink this!

*bzzt*

[Jenna]
OW!
Ah-ah-ah-ah
Yeah!

[Chorus: Ensemble]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Jenna]
Yea-ah

[Ensemble]
Let's save the pitiful children

[Jenna]
Beep bop boop beep bop boop beep

[Ensemble]
Let's teach the pitiful children
Who haven't a clue
Just what to do

[The SQUIP]
He-elp them to he-elp you

[Instrumental Break]

[Chorus: Ensemble]
Let's save the pitiful children

[The SQUIP]
Beep boop beep beep boop

[Ensemble]
Let's save the pitiful children

[The SQUIP]
Squip squip squip squip squip squip squip

[Ensemble]
Let's teach the pitiful children
Who haven't a clue

[The SQUIP]
If that's what we do
If that's what we do
Then

[Company]
Everything about us is going to be wonderful

[Ensemble]
We love everything about SQUIPs

[Company]
Everything about us is going to be so alive

[Ensemble]
We could never live without SQUIPs

[The SQUIP]
You won't feel left out or unsure

[Company]
Not pitiful children anymore
Because
Everything about us is going to be cool
When
We
Rule