[Verse 1:]
Ever since I got divorced
Everything's been going right on course
I've been riding a horse
Doing a little horse is fun in shorts
Relaxting, texting, sleeping
Refilling glasses of Riesling
What a great way to spend an evening
I look so good I'm beaming
Ever since I lost my job
I started a blog
It's been going so great
It's about the ins and outs of the perfect date
Film tickets and ratings
To kiss in the first minute or waiting
Just get it over with
(That blog post got viewed the most)
Ever since I got a nose job
I've had a more appealing snoz
It's not so big and bulky
It's small and cute like Coqui
Those little 22-ounce bottles
I feel right at home after a swallow
My collars aren't stretched out
And more focused on my mouth

[Hook:]
Reinvent yourself! California! (4x)

[Verse 2:]
Ever since my dog died
I haven't had to be at home
I don't just walk around the block
I tick to my own clock
My rent's gotten a little cheaper
I started seeing my friend Peter
He had terrible allergies
It made him a loud breather
Ever since I stopped rapping
I've been totally relaxed
No more hiring a publicist
Or trying to find fat checks
I don't have to pretend
Everything's going so well
One of ten acts
At a venue called Hell

[Hook:]
Reinvent yourself! California! (8x)