I slip and I fall, my head hits the concrete
BLOOD spurts, engulfs my face, as Kitty licks, his tongue flicks
My mother rushes in, her expression far from fun-filled
A tear falls from her cheek, it touches my teeth, I try to blink

His needle pierces my head, I wince: it hurts
But I try not to blurt. He smiles: He's touched
I know his name but at the moment, it does not matter
In Argentina, I find myself staring at the altar
They all give offerings but my heart's gone cold
Staring at a platter of gold, their bread is nothing but MOLD
To me. I toe the line between DISBELIEVER and DIVINE
Descending into darkness, ugh! how I hate the light!
I hate it when they smile!
I hate it when the laugh!
I haven't in awhile!
So what reason do they have?
If I could turn my insecurities inside out and paint the world with these impurities
Blood would splatter the hallways, cries calling for security
I stumble around in a daze
Drunk from blood lust- the rage
Sometimes it envelopes...i'm surprised
At how much self-hate really resides
Within

My head is down, my hands on my thighs
I struggle not to cry, I haven't done that in years
But it hurts too much, I can't hold back the TEARS!
A cascade of PAIN! Hot, boiling PAIN
Impeded by my pride:
No Longer Abel/Able, They Shall Call Me Cain

And it all came together in the form of my birthday

Every week, another reason to scream like Billy Mays...
Every week, another reason to scream like Billy Mays...
Every week, another reason to scream like BILLY MAYS...