Straight down the Parkway follow your nose to a place where
Nobody wants to go
It's a fare and a half; they're having a larf
Everybody's broken or they're a dwarf
Mirror mirror on the wall who is the ace-est of them all?
The Catcliffe girl who gets out before her 18th birthday
There's a little old man by the side of the road
Just where he came from nobody knows
He's so picturesque, a physical wreck, a dirty old bloke
With no self-respect
Ow!
Oh god!
You'd better leave town
Before you get caught in the Catcliffe Shakedown
Yeah
It's a step to the left; a step to the right
You do the Catcliffe Shakedown with all of your might
Oh, baby, shakedown
Pudgy 12 year-olds in Union Jack shorts addicted to
Coffee-whitener and frankfurters. And those boys who said
"Hey mister we just want your car 'cos we're taking a girl
To the reservoir" are outside the pub. Fine figures of men;
Exercising and dieting just doesn't suit them. "Have a meal
In a glass, we're having a laugh, just come over here and
Your face we will smash" Oh!
Oh god!
You'd better leave town
Before you get caught in the Catcliffe Shakedown
Yeah
Shakedown
Shakedown
Shakedown
Oh no, it's not that bad really: Not if you've been living
In Bosnia for the last year. Home-brew is still big news
Round these parts - no airing cupboard should be without it
They were going to build an airport - can you imagine it?
"Whilst in the area why not stock up on string or try some
Of our duty-free Parkin?" Oh yeah. Let's go
See the rainbow high above the viaduct, glowing with all the
Colours of a bottle of spilt milk
Oh, it's so beautiful, but I don't know what it means
Oh, rainbow high above - what exactly are you advertising?
And our idea of sophisticated humour is setting fire to our
Farts with disposable lighters. Why not try our delicious
Lager-style drink with a chocolate-flavoured candy-covered
Biscuit? "Look at those buttercups over there mummy!" "Hold
One under your chin." "What's butter mummy?" "Oh, it's just
A different make of margarine"
See the rainbow high above the viaduct, glowing with all the
Colours of a bottle of spilt milk
Oh, it's so beautiful, but I don't know what it means
Oh, rainbow high above - what exactly are you advertising?
The film now cuts to reveal who is watching this docu-drama
A middle class couple sit in wonder as the titles roll. "All
Nicotine stains and beer-bellies in this programme were
Real."
But upstairs in his room, amongst the Airfix planes, is a
Small boy. He sits in the dark, listening for the sound of
The train that crosses the viaduct at four o'clock every
Morning. The train that carries the dismembered remains, the
Dismembered remains of Matchstick Men and Matchstick Cats &
Dogs, and it's coming, and it's coming, coming... Oh yeah
"What you looking at?"
"I don't know - label's fell off"
"I'm going aht"
"Am I so beautiful you can't stop looking at me?"
"Am I so beautiful?"
"You don't scare me"
"I'll take you all on"
"You and whose army?"
"Me - me and my fist-y"
Catcliffe you don't intimidate me, your Parkway and your
Shopping centre, your Panda Pops and pottery, your motorway
Junction, overwhelming stench of failure. Lives that never
Left first base, stunted by vapours from the cooling towers
And I will do everything, everything in my power to get way
From you
Oh yeah