Ladies and Fellas-- I was hella bored
So I pedaled hella hard
To a seminar in Zanzibar
Ben and Jerry, Tena's Song, Pat Benatar

Riding on my handlebars
That I'd gaffled from a scrap metal yard
When it fell apart I got a rental car
With Meadowlark Lemon's credit card
Double parked on the boulevard
In fronta' Cinnabon
Won a tug-of-war with a minotaur
Then I toured the far north
On a Portuguese man-of-war

Santa Claus handed me a catalog
The envelope attached on it said that "You could have it all!"

So I got an antelope From Manitoba
Salad bowl, a catapult, a can of soda
Paddle boat, a camera-phone, and also
A Barry Mantilow autographed cantaloupe
And every episode of "Solid Gold"
"The Antidote" to "Babylon" and "Amazon"
In an acid-washed can of salt
And a friend to tag along
Who looked at all Napoleonean

When I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing
I do that there
(x2)

Here's a story, folks--
Totally stoned
I rode the slopes of Mt. Holyoke
Forty below

Lo and behold
My homie poked too many holes in my snowmobile wheels
Now I'm rolling on some Boboli's with spokes
Had to pony up the dough to get it all
Green and gold mobile home
Stole an Oreo, a polaroid, some saltines
An overcoat from Wal-greens
Some corduroys, some sardines
Canola Oil
All singin', "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

On and on with Obi-wan Kenobi, Shin-obi
Yeah-- Kobe Bryant
Pokemon and Pinocchio on the Okefenokee Swamp
Europe, Portugal, Tokyo, Borneo and Coney Island
With the Horny Toad Memorial Orchestra with Barry White
Lyrics Born on rhymes, Maury Povich on viola
Berry Gordy on organ and Joe Torre on chimes
Don Corleone on accordion to Marlboro Marty
We re-recorded Jerome and Marcus singin'
"Oh-wee-oh-wee-oh"

When I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing
I do that there
(x4)

Woah
Einstein, do it

Woah
Bring it back now

I met a hermit named Kermit McDermott
With a learner's permit
Curb surfin' in a purple suburban
Slurpin' an (u)orange sherbert
Eatin' a turnip
With the words "dirty-dirty"
Written in cursive on his Burberry turban

It was curtains at the circus in Berkeley
Saw a turtle with a girdle, a squirrel with a curl
The world's biggest girl, Pearl
Urkel swirled in a circle on a dirty-ass burgundy Murray bike
I had some curry rice, a turkey burger and some curly fries
Tried to return some worthless merchandise to Circuit City
Customer service was certifiably shitty
Courtesy clerk was nervous, kinda twitchy
Had a dry-and-curl perm, reminded me of Lionel Richie
Someone blurted out, "Burr!"
And when I turned around, observed
Truck Turner had the burner out and pointed at a surfer
Mr. Furley burst out the beauty parlor in curlers
And a security jersey, thermos full of Wild Turkey

When I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing
I do that thing
(x2)

Woah
Bring it back now