Well, I ain't very big for twenty-one
And it seems I never could have any good clean fun
Cause every time I'd go outside some great big ol' bully'd come along
He'd hit me in the face and he'd knock me to the ground
And he'd start kicking me all around
And that ain't exactly fair, friends, that's wrong

So I got me a paper the other night
And I crawled up on the sofa and I turned on the light
And I flipped through the pages till I found the classified ads
Said, "Take karate from Lee Hung Chow
Man, make your first appointment now
This course is guaranteed to make you bad. "

Well, the next day I drove to the address
And by the Japanese design I was real impressed
It looked like a regular house of the rising sun
I walked inside, I was all alone
I had a nervous feeling down in my bones
I was kind of sorry I'd ever even come

Then a giant Jap came through the door
He must have been about seven foot four
And he looked like he's prone to easy aggravation
He said, "Lee Hung Chow, ah kee dung"
That's Japanese for fee fie foo fum
I tried to explain my entire situation

He said, "Number one course, Yankee, self defense
Two hundred dollars and twenty five cents"
I said, "What's the twenty five cents for?"
And he said, "Repairs."
I said, "Repairs to what?", and he said, "To you"
And I thought to myself "Man, that won't do"
Felt about a half inch tall under that old slanted stare

Oh, you'd think he was yellow

I said, "I believe, I better go check another place"
He said, "Ha so, Yankee don't like my race"
I said, "Now, there's a mistake, man, and that's true
Well I've been for you Japanese all along
You Japanese just can't do no wrong
And I thought you got mighty dirty deal in World War II"

Well, he grabbed me by the hand and he gave a heave
And I figured there's a pretty good time to leave
Before he had a chance to do me any definite harm
But my plan worked out in the end, you see
Now, no bully's going to pick on me
Who's going to hit a fellow with just one arm?