[SCHWARZY, spoken]
I’d just like to take one moment to thank my two fathers who've been so supportive of me in all of my endeavors. Thank you, dads! [CARL]
We hate losers
Which is why we discipline
God hates losers
Because losers do not know how to win
(spoken)
Yes we do!
Go get ‘em!  
[DAN, spoken]
No one likes a loser!

But he loves you!


And we have faith in you

Yes we do! [SCHWARZY]
I hope you can love me, America
I’m gunning for first prize!
Here’s why you should love me, America
My needs I cannot overemphasize
I make myself crazy
Being what my dads hope I’ll be
But what about me, dads?
What about me?
Jesus Christ! What about me?

[CARL, spoken]
Practice your breathing, Logainne

[SCHWARZY]
Though I practice yoga, I don’t breathe
I try not to disappoint
But still I
Disappoint the dads
Who my friends mock
Kids are mean
Kids’ll talk
All my so-called "friends"
Roll their eyes
They’re incredibly petty
Because my dads are my dads
And alright enough already

[SCHWARZY & SPELLERS]
Woe is me
Woe is me

[SCHWARZY]
Which is why I gotta win this spelling bee

[CARL, spoken]
Take a picture for her B.M.

[SCHWARZY, spoken]
Dad!

[DAN, spoken]
Don’t call her B.M., Carl.

[CARL, spoken]
Sorry. Her "Birth Mother."

[SCHWARZY, spoken]
Peggy Jenkins!

[DAN, spoken]
She’d be very proud if she could see you spell!

[SCHWARZY]
My birth mother lives in Kansas, MO
In a trailer, in a park

[DADS & SPELLERS]
Tornados

[SCHWARZY]
Every now and then she sends a card
"Life and men," she writes, "are hard."
She would like to meet me when I’m grown
And I’ve burst like a comet
But I’m so stressed by my stress
I just wanna up and vomit

[SCHWARZY & SPELLERS]
Woe is me
Woe is me

[SCHWARZY]
Which is why I gotta win this spelling—

[DADS & SPELLERS]
Be smart
Be cool
Be an adult
Be remarkably adroit
In social situations [SCHWARZY]
Woe is me

Woe is me

Which is why I gotta win
This spelling


Bee [DADS]





Which is why she's gotta win
This spelling

Bee [SPELLERS]
Be smart, be cool
Be smart, be cool
Be smart, be cool
Be smart, be


Which is why she’s gotta win
This spelling
Bee