John Mulaney
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse: An Epic Battle
INT. AUNT MAY'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

DING DONG! The door bell rings, then--

CRRAAAAASSSSSHHHHHHH!!! Doc Ock suddenly WALKS IN through the DOOR. A tentacle shoots out and knocks a tea tray out of Aunt May’s hands.

DOC OCK: Cute place. Real homey.

AUNT MAY: Oh great, it’s Liv.

MILES: (heartbroken) I guess I was followed.

GWEN: Oh no...

PETER: Get out of here, kid.

Miles turns to run through the kitchen but is blocked by Tombstone.

TOMBSTONE: You messed up big time, kid. Very sloppy.

Tombstone pushes past Miles and we reveal SCORPION behind him.

SCORPION: Mira todas estas arañitas.

We see the English text onscreen, along with “*translated from Spanish.” Peter and the spiders get into position.

PETER: Let me guess, you’re Scorpion? Well, we’re the, uh... Spider-gang.

AUNT MAY: Would you mind taking this outside?

NOIR: We don’t pick the ballroom we just dance.

Doc Ock sees the GOOBER on Peter’s person.

DOC OCK: Oh, I think I’ll be taking that.

Her tentacles reach out towards Peter and everyone leaps into action. It’s a TEN PERSON FIGHT in a TINY QUEENS LIVING ROOM.

Scorpion CORNERS MILES, who defends himself with couch cushions!

SCORPION: Ninoto dale.

MILES: Preparate a miror. A man stupid pillows!

The couch cushions are STUCK to his hands and Scorpion ATTACKS. SPDR is there to save him as Miles gets unstuck from the cushions.

Doc Ock smashes Peter into the ceiling.

Aunt May swings her baseball bat at Tombstone and knocks him out the front door, onto the street.

AUNT MAY: I said take it outside!

The goober comes loose and Miles goes after it.

MILES: I got it!!

Miles chases after the key but is thrown against the wall. Gwen webs it away from Doc Ock but Scorpion knocks it out of her hand. Noir catches it but glitches, dropping it.

Miles continues to chase after the key as it is kicked around the room. He finally grabs it when his spider-sense goes off.

Suddenly, the Prowler crashes in through the window, landing in front of Miles. Peter webs the goober out of Miles’ hand.

PETER: I got this buddy. (to Prowler) Leave the kid alone!

Peter and Prowler fight and struggle for the goober.

MILES: No, no, no. No!

Peter kicks Prowler off himself and out through the wall into the street.

PETER: You gotta go, man.

Just then, SP//dr and Doc Ock slam into Peter and all are knocked out the front of the house into the street.