[Verse 1]
Merry Christmas, Darienne!
Happy Holidays, Ivy!
Christmas, yay!
Happy Holidays, Pandora!
Ooh, Happy Holidays, ladies!
Are we gonna sing a song? It's gonna be the best hidden track ever!
Okay
Ooh, let's do it

[Chorus]
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!

[Verse 2]
I have a question, what's a ha'penny anyway?
Mmm, I don't know
I think it's more than what we're getting payed to sing this song
Wait, you guys are getting payed?
Uhh... sorry 'bout it
I mean I do love this calypso beat though
I knew a drag queen once named Calypso, she stole my purse
Oh my god, where am I? What happened? Ok I've been drinking too much eggnog. Ooh! Happy Holidays
I can tell 'cause I can see your balls
Jingle balls

[Chorus]
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!

[Verse 3]
You know what I love about Christmas?
What?
Getting presents
Ugh, selfish
Yeah, oh, I mean world peace
What I love to do on Christmas, is go to my parents front yard, and build big snow penises
Ohhh is that why you got frostbite on your ass?
Uhm, I really like liquor on Christmas
Liquor? You liquor (lick her), you brought her
Ewwww
What? This songs for lesbians too
Fun, Holiday Cheer

[Chorus]
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat
Please put a penny in the old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you!