[Verse 1: Capo Lee]
Yeah, I'mma do the houseman ting today
Now man's curl up in a duvet
I've got food in the freezer, hooray
White rum on the side, who? Wray (and his nephew)
Summer Fruits on deck, let me get myself a plastic cup
Too sweet
Odd socks on my two feet
Walking round in an old tracksuit that don't suit me

[Pre-Hook: Merky ACE]
Four custard creams in kitchen roll
Gas mark 9 when it's oven time
Fifteen minutes and that is cooked
Play PS while man ah man wait
More time steeze cut off foot pant
Tracksuit bottom with the leg cut off
Ain't going nowhere, legs in stride
Ketchup, beans and all of that stuff

[Hook: Merky ACE]
Houseman
If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm based off)
Houseman
If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm inside)

[Verse 2: Nico Lindsay]
Nico the houseman, ice in my cup
Bun a cup, put that in a jug
Salad cream on deck and I'm good
Hot sauce on the side and I'm in-
Side with the Mac on
YouTube open, I've got 'nuff tabs on
Hang on, let me pick up this phone real quick
Gotta go piss so I tell 'em hang on
Chicken fillets, beans on toast
If I'm low, replace with oats
Cold inside, inside, we're cold
Feeling anti, Nico's ghost

[Pre-Hook: Merky ACE]
Four custard creams in kitchen roll
Gas mark 9 when it's oven time
Fifteen minutes and that is cooked
Play PS while man ah man wait
More time steeze cut off foot pant
Tracksuit bottom with the leg cut off
Ain't going nowhere, legs in stride
Ketchup, beans and all of that stuff

[Hook: Merky ACE]
Houseman
If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm based off)
Houseman
If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm inside)

[Verse 3: Merky ACE]
Two boiled eggs and don't mean seasoned beans
Salt, pepper, onions
Sarsparella, Vimto
Brain freeze, too cold
Birds, custard, whip that
Cinnamon, nutmeg's in that, vanilla essence
Righteous food smell in the presence
Holy sock show toe
Who ate all the prawn and cocktail doe?
Houseman politics with likkle bro

[Pre-Hook: Merky ACE]
Four custard creams in kitchen roll
Gas mark 9 when it's oven time
Fifteen minutes and that is cooked
Play PS while man ah man wait
More time steeze cut off foot pant
Tracksuit bottom with the leg cut off
Ain't going nowhere, legs in stride
Ketchup, beans and all of that stuff

[Hook: Merky ACE]
Houseman
If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm based off)
Houseman
If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm inside)

[Outro: Merky ACE]
Wake up looking like baby mum (it's mad)
Yeah, durag
Thick slice, foreign bread (hard)
Fish finger, slap four in bread (hella ketchup)