Ladies and Gentlemen of the G. E. D. class of 1999
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!
Oh, there's champagne in the champagne room
But you don't want champagne, you want sex
And there's no sex in the champagne room

Dont go to parties with metal detectors
Sure, it feels safe inside
But what about all those niggers waiting outside with guns
They Know You Ain't Got One!

If a woman tells you she's 20, and looks 16, she's 12
If she tells you she's 26, and looks 26, she's Damn Near 40!

Take off that silly ass hat

The ODB couldn't have possibly committed all those crimes
Coolio did some of that shit

Young black men:
If you go to a movie theater, and someone steps on your foot
Let it slide!
Why spend the next 20 years in jail b-cuz
Someone smudged Your Puma!
Cornbread - Ain't nothin wrong with that!

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin'
Remember this one thing:
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room!

No Sex In The Champagne Room
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
No Sex In The Champagne Room
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Absolutly, positively no sex in the champagne room

If a homeless person has a funny sign
He hasn't been homeless that long
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny

If a girl has a pierced tongue
She'll probably suck your dick
(That'd Be great, Yeaaaah!)
If a guy has a pierced tongue
He'll probably suck your dick
(Dont want that Noooooo!)

Here's a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius - You're Gonna Die!
Capricorn - You're Gonna Die!
Gemini - You're Gonna Die TWICE!
Leo - You're Gonna Die!
Scorpio - You're Gonna Die fuckin'!
No one goes to Hooters for wings

If you've been dating a man for 4 months
And you haven't met any of his friends
You Are Not His Girlfriend!

Some of the things I said may not apply to you
Some of the things I said may offend you
But no matter who you are
You must remember this one thing:
No matter what a stripper says
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!

No Sex In The Champagne Room
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Can't get none, Nooooo!
Can't have none, Nooooo!
No Sex In The Champagne Room
No Sex In The Champagne Room!