[MISS SHINGLE]
Have you heard of the D'Ysquith family?

MONTY:
The D'Ysquiths? Why, yes, of course. Hasn't everyone?

[MISS SHINGLE]
Then you've heard of Highhurst Castle

MONTY:
Of course

[MISS SHINGLE]
You're aware, then, of their position, their vast wealth and influence?

MONTY:
Yes, yes. What's it got to do with me?

[MISS SHINGLE]
You're a D'Ysquith

MONTY:
What?

[MISS SHINGLE]
You're a D'Ysquith
MONTY:
No

[MISS SHINGLE]
Ha ha, oh

The D'Ysquith blood is flowing through you

MONTY:
Me, a D'Ysquith?

[MISS SHINGLE]
A genuine bona fide D'Ysquith

MONTY:
Rubbish

[MISS SHINGLE]
Of course, of course
Ya don't believe me, do you?

MONTY:
You must be mad

[MISS SHINGLE]
Very well, then. If your mother was not a D'Ysquith, what was her maiden name?
MONTY:
She always insisted that the only name that mattered (whispered) was my father's

[MISS SHINGLE]
Your mother
Lived like a princess in every way
A daughter of Lord Maximillian
Till she met your father one fateful day
She knew it was love - and yet

The family declared she'd been led astray
By a climbing, conniving Castilian
"Oh let him go
Or else you'll know
A life you will live to regret"

This was no idle threat

"You're a D'Ysquith
You're a perfectly breedable D'Ysquith
And a D'Ysquith does her duty
Don't forget"

There was nothing your mother could say
She eloped with your father the very next day
[MONTY]
So she was... disinherited?

[MISS SHINGLE]
In a word: yes. Despicable, the lot of them

[MONTY]
How awful!

[MISS SHINGLE]
Your mother
Made me promise I'd never tell
But now she is no longer living
She wanted to spare you her private hell
But I think you deserve to know

Take this knowledge and use it well
The family may yet be forgiven

This will guarantee
You've a right to be
On the family tree
And it seems to be
Indisputably
Head to toe

You're a D'Ysquith
A D-apostrophe-Y-squith
A-there can be
No other way to view it
Montague, you're a D'Ysquith

[MONTY]
I'm all of a sudden a D'Ysquith!

[MISS SHINGLE]
Yes!
And it's time
That everybody knew it

A-you are the son of the daughter
Of the grandson
Of the nephew
Of the second Earl of Highhurst, your turn

[MONTY]
I am the son of the daughter
Of the...

[BOTH]
The grandson
Of

[MONTY]
Oh, sorry

[BOTH]
The nephew
Of the second Earl of Highhurst

[MONTY]
The thought occurred: why should I believe a woman who might very well be insane?
And yet, there seemed to be an air of authenticity to this document

I'm a D'Ysquith

[MISS SHINGLE]
You're a D'Ysquith

[MONTY]
It would seem I'm a D'Ysquith

[MISS SHINGLE]
You're a D'Ysquith

Montague
I picture you
At Highhurst

[MONTY]
Yesterday, I was Monty Navarro

[MISS SHINGLE]
You could be an Earl tomorrow

[MONTY]
And Highhurst could be My-hurst

I'm a D'Ysquith

[MISS SHINGLE]
You're a D'Ysquith

[BOTH]
A D'Ysquith
A D'Ysquith
A D'Y... squith