Innumerable future selves lean to form an audience, keen to hear the result
They’ll wait for hours to be betrayed –Restless
Too scared to blink or speak at all
I fumble everything for a home crowd - stuck in their thick berating din
If they could speak they’d help me out:
Tell me what I’m supposed to do and think

You’re a barricade of charisma; I don’t know how to talk to you
You’re a catapulted whisper splattering on flags of truce
I have allegiances to characters I am now too old to be
I spend the bulk of my free time pining, wishing & worrying

It feels a lot like:
- Getting back from a holiday you liked;
- Reluctant small talk with a friend you were once much closer with;
- Reluctant small talk with a colleague you feel you know too much about

It’s not ideal. It’s only fine
It’s not how you feel but it’s all that you are, boy

It’s a lot like:
- Waking up, when you’d rather be asleep;
- Having things to think about when you’d rather sleep, to dream

It’s alarming we’re so calm
As we erode to lesser forms
Far from ideal – we’ll say “it’s fine!”
It’s not how we feel it’s just all that we are now