[MICHAEL]
Apocalypse of the Damned!

[JEREMY]
Level Nine!

[BOTH]
The Cafetorium!

Find the bad guy, push him aside
Then move on forward with your friend at your side
It's a two-player game, so when they make an attack
You know you got a brother, gonna have your back
Then you stay on track and--
Ah! Remain on course
And if they give you a smack, you--
Gah! You use your force!
And if you leave your brother behind, it's lame
'Cause it's an effed-up world
But it's a two-player game!
Hey!

[MICHAEL]
Dude, you are cooler than a vintage cassette
It's just that no one else but me thinks that yet
You're just a nothing in this high school scheme
But it's no big, 'cause you and I are a team
We like out-of-print games
Retro skates
Got a Pac-Man tattoo
Nobody here appreciates
But soon we'll be together where they do

'Cause guys like us are cool in college
Cool in college, this I know
Guys like us are cool in college
We rule in college, listen bro
High school is hell, but we navigate it well
'Cause what we do, is we make it a two-player game

[BOTH]
Zombie!
Watch out!
Ah!
Wah!
Ugh

[JEREMY]
As losers, we have fought together for years
Both Nintendo zombies and our popular peers
Now we're stuck on a level, and I wanna move on

[MICHAEL]
Just wait two years whereupon
You'll realize
Guys like us are
[BOTH]
Cool in college
Cool in college, won't be lame

[JEREMY]
Dude, I know, I get it

[BOTH]
Guys like us are cool in college

[JEREMY]
But we're not in college

[MICHAEL]
All the same
High school is whack, but we have each other's back
It's me and you

[BOTH]
We make it a two-player game

Gah!
Oh!
Zombie!

[JEREMY'S DAD]
Hello?
[BOTH]
Blood!

[JEREMY'S DAD]
Son?

[BOTH]
Claws!

[JEREMY'S DAD]
Jeremy!

[BOTH]
Pause

[JEREMY]
You know that you are my favorite person
That doesn't mean that I can't still dream

[MICHAEL]
Is it really true?
I'm your favowite person?

[JEREMY]
Yeah, we're never not gonna be a team
High school is shit, and you gotta help me conquer it
It's just what we do

[BOTH]
We make it a two-player game!

Find the bad guy push him aside!
Then move on forward with your friend at your side!
It's a two-player game, so when they make an attack
You know you got a brother, gonna have your back
Then you stay on track and--
Ah! Remain on course
And if they give you a smack, you--
Gah! You use your force!
And if you leave your brother behind, it's lame
'Cause it's an effed-up world
But it's a two-player game!
Hey!

Two-player game
Two-player game
He-e-ey!