Joe Iconis
The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire)
[JENNA]
O-M-G Chlo, answer me
Woah, wait until I tell you what I heard!
It's too fucked to type, this shit is ripe
Call back, I'll yell you every word
[CHLOE]
Jenna Rolan calling
Ugh, Jenna Rolan calling...
Jenna Rolan calling...
Hey!
[JENNA]
Ohmygod- Ohmygod-
Okay, so!
At the end of last night's party
Very end of last night's party
Did you see Rich?
[CHLOE]
Oh I saw Rich
[JENNA]
So he's behaving hazy like a tweakin' junkie
Flailing crazy like a freakin' monkey
[CHLOE]
He's gotta learn to handle his high
Shouldn't drink so much for a small guy
[JENNA]
Right, but, he wasn't drunk
[CHLOE]
The hell you say, Jenna?
[JENNA]
Yo, he wasn't drunk!
[CHLOE]
The hell you say, Jenna?
[JENNA]
No! Because I heard from Dustin Kropp
That Rich had barely touched a drop
Which means that you can't blame the things he did on alcohol
It's just so terrible, I don't want to relive it all
But do you want me to tell you?
[CHLOE]
Spit it out! Spit it out!
[JENNA]
You really want me to tell you?
[CHLOE]
Spit it out! Spit it out!
[JENNA]
I'll tell you 'cause you are my closest friend!
[CHLOE]
No I'm not?
[JENNA]
Yeah, I know
But here's what happened at the party's end
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
I thought I was dreaming
Everybody was screaming!
When Rich set a fire and he burned down the house
When Rich set a fire and he burned down the house
[CHLOE]
O-M-G Brooke, answer me
Look, wait until I tell you what I saw!
[BROOKE]
Ignore!
[CHLOE]
Hmph! And also space and frowny face
I'm sorry that Jeremy made out with me at the party
But it was totally his fault
And let's not let boys ever come between us ever again okay?
Smiley face, lipstick, kitty paw
[BROOKE]
Hey
[CHLOE]
We cool?
[BROOKE]
We are
[CHLOE]
Okay, so!
At the end of last night's party
Did you see Rich?
[BROOKE]
No, I was crying
[CHLOE]
So he's behaving weird and I was frightened
'Cause I feared his state was heightened
[BROOKE]
He's gotta learn to not really smoke a lot
He shouldn't get so high for a tiny guy
[BOTH]
He's gotta learn to not really smoke a lot
He shouldn't get so high for a tiny guy
[CHLOE]
Right, but, he wasn't high!
So you can't blame the things he did on pot
It's just so awful, so I'll talk about it a lot
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
I thought I was dreaming
Everybody was screaming!
When Rich set a fire and he burned down the house
When Rich set a fire and he burned down the house
[JENNA]
Hey, Everybody! Have you heard?
Rich set a fire, now go spread the word!
[CHLOE & (ENSEMBLE)]
Sending a text (Text!)
Sending a tweet (Tweet!)
Sending a text (Text!)
[CHLOE, JENNA, & (ENSEMBLE)]
Tweet (Tweet!)
Release the information, step, and repeat!
[BROOKE & (ENSEMBLE)]
I'll spread the word! (Woooord!)
That Rich is flecked (Flecked?)
No, I meant fucked
Did I say 'flecked'?
Sorry guys, that's just my auto-correct
(Always be aware of auto-correct!)
[ALL]
R-I-C-H
Can't you see?
Just how much I care about your tragedy
Changed my profile pic to you
Now I fully understand what you're going through
R-I-C-H
It's a drag
I read, she read, they read you're in a body bag
R-I-C-H
Can't you see?
Just how much I love your tragedy
Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!
Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
Sup! Sup! Sup! Sup!
FIRE!
Hey! (Ha!)
Talk it, text it, pass it, talk it!
(Bickering)
Woaaaaah
Ready? Okay
Here we go!
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house! (Woah)
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house!
It was so terribly gory
I got the whole bloody story
Yeah, I wasn't quite there
But I know what happened I swear!
[JENNA, CHLOE, & BROOKE]
When Rich set a fire and he burned the house down
When Rich set a fire and he leveled the town
[ALL]
When Rich set a fire and he fled to Bombay
When Rich set a fire 'cause he knew he was gay
When Rich set a fire and he melted his head
When Rich set a fire and he's totally dead
When Rich set a fire and he burned down the house!
Burned it down! (Woah)
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Did ya hear? Did ya hear?
Burned it down! (Woah)
Did ya hear? Did ya hear?
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Burned it down! (Woah)
Did ya hear? Did ya hear?
That Rich set a fire and he burned down the-
Rich set a fire and he burned down the-
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house
[JENNA, CHLOE, & BROOKE]
He told me cause he's my best friend!
[ALL]
Rich set a fire and he burned down the house!
Send!