[MICHAEL]
I am hanging in a bathroom at
The biggest party of the fall
I could stay right here or disappear
And nobody would even notice at all

I'm a creeper in a bathroom
’Cause my buddy kinda left me alone
But I'd rather fake pee than stand awkwardly
Or pretend to check a text on my phone

Everything felt fine when I was half of a pair
Now through no fault of mine, there's no other half there

Now I’m just Michael in the bathroom
Michael in the bathroom at a party
Forget how long it's been
I'm just Michael in the bathroom
Michael in the bathroom at a party
No, you can't come in!

I'm waiting it out 'til it's time to leave
And picking at grout as I softly grieve
I'm just Michael who you don’t know
Michael flyin’ solo
Michael in the bathroom by himself
All by himself
I am hiding, but he's out there, just
Ignoring all our history
Memories get erased, then I’ll get replaced
With a newer, cooler version of me
And I hear a drunk girl sing along to Whitney through the door
"I wanna dance with somebody"
And my feelings sink, 'cause it makes me think:
Now there's no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore!

Now it's just Michael in the bathroom
Michael in the bathroom at a party
I half regret the beers
Michael in the bathroom
Michael in the bathroom at a party
As I choke back the tears

I’ll wait as long as I need
Till my face is dry
Or I'll just blame it on weed, or something in my eye!
I'm just Michael who you don't know, Michael flyin' solo
Michael in the bathroom by himself!

[MICHAEL (WITH ENSEMBLE)]
Knock, knock, knock, knock
They're gonna start to shout soon
Knock, knock, knock, knock
Oh hell yeah, I'll be out soon

Knock, knock, knock, knock
It sucks you left me here alone

Knock, knock, knock, knock
Here in this teenage battle zone-

Clang, clang, clang, clang
I feel the pressure blowing up

Bang, bang, bang, bang
My big mistake was showing up

Splash, splash, splash, splash
I throw some water in my face
And I am in a better place
I go to open up the door
But I can't hear knocking
Anymore

And I can't help but yearn
For a different time
And then I look in the mirror
And the present is clearer
And there's no denying, I'm just—
At a party
Is there a sadder sight than—
(humming)
Michael in the bathroom at a party
This is a heinous night
I wish I stayed at home in bed watching cable porn
Or wish I offed myself instead
Wish I was never born

I'm just Michael who's a loner
So he must be a stoner
Rides a PT Cruiser
God he's such a loser
Michael flyin' solo
Who you think that you know
Michael in the bathroom by himself
All by himself
All by himself

And all you know about me is my name
Awesome party
I'm so glad I came