The saddest thing about having one leg
Is that it isn't the saddest thing about me

As I succumb to my beer
It's becoming clear
Everybody does fine without me
Yeah, buddy, the world does just fine without me

And you don't look at me like I'm a downer
Condescending pity's not my fave
See, I'm just being real, no need to smile or frown or
Get all pouty and weepy

I don't wanna be a dancer
Sweetly spinning on a stage
I just want somebody to spoon with

He don't have to be from France
He don't have to be of age
I just want somebody to spoon with

Gimme gimme gimme somebody to spoon with
Gimme gimme gimme somebody to spoon with

See I have never been touched
And by touched what I mean
Is that no one has ever put their arms around me
I'll be all smiles and "hey!"
They'll be all "ew, get away"
And they leave just exactly as they found me

I don't want a lot of money
I don't want a better job
I just want somebody to spoon with

He don't have to taste like honey
He can be a fuckin' slob
I just want somebody to spoon with

Gimme gimme gimme somebody to spoon with
Gimme gimme gimme somebody to spoon with
Gimme gimme gimme warm breath on my neck

And a man that don't mind that I'm an incomplete wreck
And a hand that don't recoil when it touches mine
And I'll be fine
And I'll be fine

No, I don't want a rose
And I don't want the moon

All I want
Is a dude who'd be down
For a really, really good spoon