MARETU
うみたがり (Umitagari)
Furtively,
I gaze at you.
Trying to connect.
Have I won you over?
(Gotta be extremely inconspicuous.)
Please notice.
Please do.

Everything keeps falling a little short;
it's just a tiny bit unbearable.
I can’t chalk it off with a simple “Oh, woe is me” whenever I feel that way.
(Come on, make a bigger deal out of your pain…!)

I know it won't do to rely on this kind of stopgap measure,
but I keep letting my uncontrollable urge get the better of me.
Thus I turn a blind eye to this chain of hell after hell,
trying not to think about what shall invariably come…

One look was all it took.
In all aspects,
I was completely taken in, constantly mooning over you.
I'm so sorry
for being so faint-hearted
all this time.
Really sorry.

It is only now that those tender memories
are starting to wring my neck so painfully.
What goes up must come down—that’s our lot in life.
(Hold on. That'd be too scary…!)

As I lovingly nurture this vision of a future like a fairy tale,
with you and me, smiling together,
I must keep going these hurtful arguments that always end in a draw,
just so I can delay the true end a little more.

How much longer
am I going to trudge my way onward…?
How much longer
am I going to keep up this pretense, trying to beg for this “love” thing or whatever?
I know it won't do to rely on this kind of stopgap measure,
yet I still place all my trust in such an uncertain track.
I'm plunged into these overly intrusive bouts of reverie,
though I just want to keep one last sliver of hope.

My mind is growing feverish, as if intoxicated.
“I want to become a part of you!”
On the way back home, I dragged my heavy legs
as I thought about how happy I was at your tenderness!!

How happy I was.

We made it together.
We fooled around.
But now those memories
must be repressed.
Why was it
ever born?
That's because I wanna—