[MARVIN]
That's the king, treat him nice
Use some brains, now protect him

[WHIZZER]
Yes, I know
Here I go

[MARVIN]
Play the game

[WHIZZER]
Please, don't watch me
I can do it

[MARVIN]
Have a little scotch

[WHIZZER]
Shit, I blew it
Maybe you could show me where
I fear I've lost my head

[MARVIN]
Do you want my help?
[WHIZZER]
No, I don't
I can think it through myself

[MARVIN]
Start again, we've seen the worst

[WHIZZER]
I'll go first

[MARVIN]
Move a pawn

[WHIZZER]
No, sir

[MARVIN]
Move

[WHIZZER]
Where?

[MARVIN]
There

[WHIZZER]
Here?
[MARVIN]
Move a pawn

[WHIZZER]
Who?

[MARVIN]
Not the queen

[WHIZZER]
Who?

[MARVIN]
Jesus

[BOTH]
Life's a sham and
Every move is wrong
We've examined
Every move as we move along

[MARVIN, WHIZZER, BOTH]
Winning is (Nothing is)
Everything (Everything)
To me
Winning is (Nothing is)
Everything (Everything)
To me

[WHIZZER]
Except sex

[MARVIN, spoken]
Move a pawn.​

[WHIZZER, spoken]
And money.​

[Marvin scoffs.]

[MARVIN]
Good first move

[WHIZZER]
Quite alright
Take a turn

[MARVIN]
Thank you kindly

[WHIZZER]
Move the pawn
Move the pawn
Take my hand
Play the game

[MARVIN]
God you're pretty

[WHIZZER]
More's the pity
Since you need a man

[MARVIN]
What?

[WHIZZER]
Who's brainy

[MARVIN]
Or

[BOTH]
Witty

[MARVIN]
Move

[WHIZZER]
What should I do now?

[MARVIN]
Move

[WHIZZER]
Where?

[MARVIN]
There

[WHIZZER]
How should I behave myself?
Maybe we should call it quits

[MARVIN]
This game shits

[WHIZZER]
Let me win

[MARVIN]
Yes, sir

[WHIZZER]
Please

[MARVIN]
Yes

[WHIZZER]
Thanks

[MARVIN]
Wait!

[WHIZZER]
Whizzer wins!

[MARVIN]
Wait!

[WHIZZER]
Whizzer wins!

[MARVIN]
Wait!

[WHIZZER]
Checkmate!

[BOTH]
Life's a sham and every move is wrong
We've examined every move as we move along

[WHIZZER, spoken]
Marvin!

(sung)
Whizzer's supposed to make the dinner
Be a patsy, lose at chess
Always bravely acquiesce
Clip the coupons, make the dinner
And love him

[WHIZZER, MARVIN, BOTH]
This has got to come to a stop (This has got to come)
Marvin (To a stop)
This has been a lousy but
Fabulous flop

[MARVIN]
Anyone understand?
All I want's a kiss
Anyone understand?

[WHIZZER]
Don't start explaining
I'm sick of explaining

[MARVIN, WHIZZER, BOTH]
And this had better come to a stop
(Whizzer) (Marvin)
Now, (Whizzer) (Marvin)
Ciao, (Whizzer) (Marvin)
Bend
This had better come
This had better come to a
This, this, this, this

[WHIZZER]
This had better come to an end

[MARVIN]
This had better come to an end

[BOTH]
This had better come to an end