afraid to say
"i’d like it very much if….
you’d stay and …..
lose sleep with me tonight”
not my misery needing company….
it is
just me ….
i might,
not feel lonely on most days…..
but tonight reminds me of Summer.
reminds me that i have
and am not
a kid now,
and that i am missing a brother.
go to call a sister…
his name is right with hers,

i haven’t deleted his number.
i don’t want to tell you all that he meant to me…
and have you say how you wish you’d met him .
i don’t want to cry
and confess
“ now i feel….
as time passes by
i’ll forget him “
and you look at me like
“I wish I could help”
but your father was there
and you’ve always had help
and your brother’s still calling
and you’ve always been dealt
with
aces
and
high hands
and
silver
fucking
platters
the audacity
the nerve
to ask me
“whats the matter?”
and if i were really
in the mood to discuss….
i would tell you how i
never felt like enough
how i was the ugly one
hated the mirror
and took lots of pills that one night
trynna kill her
if i had the energy
i’d tell you the truth
that i haven’t been happy
since I was in school
like, elementary
even then…
shit was crazy
i was the youngest
but the toughest
i was never the baby
so i don’t want your pity
or your words
or advice
i’d just like it very much if
you lost sleep with me
tonight