[Intro: Paris]
All day on the nation's only all-terror network
All terror, all the time
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[Skit]
"The War on Terror is everyone's war, and civilization itself is in the balance"
"The questions are growing louder, and the White House is furiously backpedalling. What did the president know, and when did he know it?"
"You're telling me you're going to fake some terrorist thing, just to scare some money out of Congress?"
"Well unfortunately, I have no idea how to fake killing four thousand people. So we're just gonna have to do it for real. Oh, blame it on the Muslims, naturally. Then I can get my funding!"