CHERYL
Why don't you just accept your fate and join us Ashly? Join us!
Don't you wanna join the crew? You'll be dead and evil too
The coolest thing to do is join us
Your life sucks you know, working S-Mart's gotta blow
Don't be just a fucking shmo! And join us!
You'll be dead with no remorse and be hung like a horse
You can even bang a corpse if you join us!
Just imagine all the fun if to evil you succumb, so just lay down that big gun...
And join our dark army of evil Candarian demons...
As we conquer this land and take over each and every soul of the living...

ASH
Ah! Ah! No, I'm not going to join you, never!

CHERYL
Whats the problem Ash? You don't want to look beautiful, like me?

ASH
Please! I'd rather look like this moose. Ah!

MOOSE
Why thank you!

ASH
Ah! The dead moose!
MOOSE
Actually, I'm an Candarian demon moose
And I'm here to tell you all about the fun and excitement you'll experience if you
Take us up on our offer and join us!
Can't you see we'll have a scream? Evil's funner than it seems!
You'll play on our softball team if you join us!

DEMONS
Join us!

MOOSE
We'll all have a ball, organize a big pop call and spend Sundays at the mall if you join us!

DEMONS
Join us!

CHERYL
You can speak our evil slang even grow some evil fangs
You'll score some evil tang if you join us!

MOOSE
Being evil is divine, you'll be dead but so refined! Party like its '99...
If you join our evil forces as we enslave all man kind...
Chew on their tiny brains and bathe in their hot boiling blood....

ASH
Ah! Ah! All of you shut up! Especially you, Moose! Shut up!
CHERYL AND MOOSE
You can try and take a stand, but we have got your hand!

ASH
What are you talking about?

CHERYL AND MOOSE
Its not quite what we planned, but now we've got your hand!

ASH
Why do you keep saying that?

CHERYL AND MOOSE
We've got your hand! Yes its true, we've got your hand!
Yes, we finally got your hand to join us!

ASH
Whats that? You got my hand to join you? Oh yeah?
No you don't! Why do you keep saying that you got my hand to join ya, huh?
Why do you keep saying that? AHH!

CHERYL
We've got your hand! We've got your hand!

ASH
Oh you bastards! You dirty bastards!
Give me back my hand! Give me back my hand!
Whose laughing now, hey? Whose laughing now!