Utkarsh Ambudkar
Hardly Working: Rap Battle
(Rap)
[UTK]
Yeah, you can't hack this
You're the wackness
It's more rockin' for Zach Galifianakis
That's right, leave your head spinnin' like a dreidel
Knock your socks off
And the lox off
Your bagel
That's right, I'm winnin'
Your face looks like mayonnaise that's grinnin'
You're lucky you're wearin' stripes that's thinnin'
The same to end that stuff beginnin'
Don't eat so much!

(Spoken)
[AMIR]
You just got burned, I think that's how it

[UTK]
Scorched!

[STREETER]
You can't just have someone do your freestyle for you

[AMIR]
As long as he works for us, right. I knew UTK was an intern I hired this morning. He just also happens to be part of this, like, rap improv group called Freestyle Lovе Supreme, but I didn't know that when I hirеd him
[STREETER]
Okay, yeah, you found that out later. Okay, well, maybe two of my interns can come battle you

[AMIR]
No, I mean, yeah, I guess

[STREETER]
Guys?

[LIN-MANUEL]
Hey, what up?

[AMIR]
UTK, I told you not to bring friends here. That was the one thing, remember?

[STREETER]
This is Lin, Shockwave, my interns

[AMIR]
Hey, aren't you that guy from, like, that three-time Tony Award-winning Broadway musical In the Heights?

[LIN-MANUEL]
Yeah. Well, we have four Tonys, but yeah

[AMIR]
I'm such a huge, huge fan
(Rap)
[LIN-MANUEL]
Aight, b*t*h! Let's take 'em down to Chinatown
It's time I beat down Encyclopedia Brown
Now I don't wanna p*ss on every superficial issue
I will rip you apart like tissue, it's as easy with this issue
Your father's a highly accomplished gynecologist
From a family of doctors, so it's obvious
The problem is that you went into comedy
So now your mama
Thinks you're just a waste of space you f----- solipsist-
Ic pile of s---
Your papa sees more vag than you're ever gonna see
And when it comes to intimacy
There's plenty of fish in the sea
But listen to me
I know about your little deficiency
Streeter told me 'bout your undescended testicle
The incident at the Renaissance festival
The time that gorgeous woman almost slept with you
When she felt the back of your nutsack is asymmetrical
I'm doing what I'm s'posed to do
I didn't mean to make a Patrick Swayze ghost of you
Years from now, when you're dyin' in disgrace
Remember Streeter literally skiied it in your face
You punk b*t*h!
(Spoken)
[BOSS]
Hey, that light on the printer isn't working again. I don't know how, so maybe can you go check it out?

[UTK]
Sure!

[LIN-MANUEL]
Yeah, sorry about that

[BOSS]
Thanks, guys. Good work, really. And then go to lunch

[UTK AND LIN-MANUEL]
Okay, thank you!

[BOSS]
Best interns ever!

[UTK]
You the prettiest printer that I ever did see
You're so much more to me than just a silly machine
They ask so much of you
I know how hard it is b*t*h but really you just need a brand new ink cartridge

[Lin-Manuel Miranda]
This the hardest sh*t yo
I don't know I lost control all it keeps saying is "toner low"

[Boss]
Guys! Guys, listen. Please fix the printer. Don't just rap about it okay, it's been four hours. Listen, Shock, I didn't mean to yell I-- what you're not even working on the printer
Anyway, do you want the college credit or not?

[Shockwave]
Yes, yes, yes

[Boss]
Thank you

[Lin-Manuel Miranda]
That was mad fool
I'm trying to get applications to grad school

[Boss]
WHAT are you doing?