[Verse 1]
Woke up quick, at about noon
Just thought that I had to check the sub count soon
I gotta pass STAR_ and maybe Muselk too
To be the greatest YouTuber in TF2
I'm halfway there but that ain't half bad
At least I don't jump onto passing fads
Like singing to celebrate sub amounts
I mean Dane did that, but it doesn't count
I jumped up spire and I'm shitty at rhyming
I just thought I'd force that in to fit the timing
I tried to join comp, but they told me to die
But it was UGC so I don't even mind

[Pre-Chorus]
Then I let the retards play
They were mad 'cause I switched to ESEA
It was gangsta gangsta, man the dream was for real
But the team went and died so now I'm sandbagging steel
Probably need to get this song back on track
Please do forgive me, Dynamite Hack
I went to the pub to get the soop
Chuckleheads out there, all shootin' some fruit

[Skit]
A car pulls up, who can it be?
It's a representative of UGC
He rolls down the window and he starts to say
"Please don't make fun of our league service we work very hard to maintain the quality of it and your mixed opinions might lead newer players to harbor a bias opinion towards us. Thanks."
[Chorus]
'Cause when FUNKe's in the hood, he's always hard
Like, metaphorically, not as in he's "hard"
It's important to note that I don't have a boner
I like it when Link is a stoner

[Verse 2]
Bored as hell and I wanna pubstomp
So I go to a place where the big Chains Chomp
But all of my friends just wanna play Overwatch
So instead of with them, I played with my crotch
Greeted with a censor and I start bleeping
From the **** all I saw was ****
I gotta get my team to fix that lineup
Right after one more headshot... Okay, I'll switch
Pulled up to the spawn, eyes land on the Med'
And I get pissed off over something she said
She said she only pockets her BF
So I grabbed her by the hair and told her "глупый сука блять"

[Pre-Chorus]
Started talkin' shit, wouldn't ya know?
I reached back like a wrench and I slapped the ho
And her pocket stood up and he started to shout
So I ran a votekick and got em both thrown out
[Chorus]
'Cause when FUNKe's in the hood, he's always hard
Like, metaphorically, not as in he's "hard"
It's important to note that I don't have a boner
I like it when Link is a stoner (It makes me hard)

[Outro]
Punk-ass trippin', but it's alright
Homie scored a key, he's gonna fly, punk-ass, fly
"He's ripping off everybody, man, he's reusing content"