[EA]
You want no more Origin? Why, consumer...!
Look at you, as foolish as a vixen
Still a little dumbass, just a goy
You know why we keep up the restrictions

[CONSUMER]
I know but...

[EA]
That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear
Guess I always knew this day was coming
Knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest
Soon, but not yet

[CONSUMER]
But --

[EA]
Shh!
Trust me, pest
EA knows best
EA knows best
Listen to your merchant
There are shitty games out there
EA knows best
One way or another
Something will go wrong, I swear
DRM, plebs
Private trackers, malware
Rehashes and shit
And Steam
[CONSUMER]
No!

[EA]
Yes!

[CONSUMER]
But --

[EA]
Also bugged games
Games with difficulty, and
Stop, no more, you'll just upset me
EA's right here
EA will protect you
Darling, here's what I suggest
Skip the gameplay
Stay with EA
EA knows best

EA knows best
EA knows best
Take it from your merchant
On your own, you won't survive
Can't resist a sale
Loose with your money
Please, they'll eat you up alive
Gullible, naive
Positively grubby
Ditzy and a bit, well, hmm vague
Plus, I believe
Gettin' a neckbeard
I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you
EA understands
EA's here to help you
All I have is one request
Consumer?
[CONSUMER]
Yes?

[EA]
Don't ever ask for us to drop Origin

[CONSUMER]
Yes, EA

[EA]
I love your money so much

[CONSUMER]
I love you more

[EA]
I love it most
Don't forget it
You'll regret it
EA knows best