When I'm at a work party
And Pervy John's being pervy in the office crowd
The only thing running through my mind is
Fuck These Crisps Are Loud

I've forcefully declined a man's advances
But he's being a bit of a clinger
I'd really love to just give him a slap
But there's cheese dust on my fingers

Well good news, Women of the World
Stop knitting and listen to this
We've finally got what we always wanted
Lady Crisps

Shoutout, Rejoice & Drop Your Shit
The war was fought and we won it
They only gone and gave us god damn
Lady Crisps

Do we want equal pay?
What's that?

Positions of Power?
Why?
To be listened to when we say no?
No

Our lives have just improved a bunch
Cause we've now got a crisp that doesn't crunch
And all because of god damn fuckin'
Lady Crisps

When I open my paycheck for the job what I do
What's the same what is done by a man
I think if only there was a tiny wee pen
That could fit in my wittle-bitty hands

Or I get completely overwhelmed
By injustice in the world
And a red hot anger rushes over me
Why isn't there glue for girls?!

Well shit the bed, women and non-conformist
Get yourself to a mortuary
Cause you will die when you hear
That they make female stationary

Shoutout, Rejoice & Let the Happiness Rain
Women got the vote, and that was okay
But holy cow they made us god damn
Female Stationary
Do we want control of our bodies?
How?

To be believe the first time?
[raspberries]

Untaxed feminine hygiene products?
Ew... Gross!

The time has come, we've earned our place
Let's fuck shit up in Paperchase
And all because of god damn fuckin'
Female Stationary

And when that big day comes
When every woman of the world
Is nay burdened by crisps crumbs
We will rise up, like a phoenix
And hammer through that glass ceiling
But I'll have to use my lady hammer
Cause my wrists are just so weak

And while we're at it, inventor guys
There's other things that we need
To make our lives much better
So come on, help us ladies, pwease
Like when I'm in a paddock
And I'm riding my horse
And I think it's just too wide
How about we make some genetically smaller horses
That are better for my lady thighs?

Or when I'm doing my garden
And my hands get sore from the flower planting
How about some lady gloves so
I can tend to my lady garden?

And how about
Birds for Women
And Gin for Women
And Seven more Deadly Sins for Women

And please
If we ask you nice
Can you make them pink?
And double the price?

The world is changing
Now's the time
Let's toast with a glass of
Lady Wine

We've got
Little pink pens for a little pink hands
And crunch-less crisps
So fuck the man

It's a new dawn
And new day
For women
Across the land