There was a little woman
And she had no house or home
So she found herself a forest
A new pasture for to roam

She was a lady
A lady in the woods

God gave her the woods
But he took away her legs
Some people mistook her for a stump
But she was definitely a lady

A legless lady in the woods

When you’re living in the woods
There’s a lack of luxury
She didn’t have scissors couldn’t cut her hair
It grew so long it got tangled with the weeds on the trees

Shе was a longhaired, legless lady in thе woods

She had nowhere to be
So she always took her time
She took so much time
If you were to describe her with a word
You might say she did lollygag
She was a lollygagging, longhaired, legless lady in the woods
A lollygagging, longhaired, legless, lady in the woods

God took so much from the lady
But in turn, gave her a tree
A lemon tree
And she sucked those lemons every day
Which made the rubberiness of her lips go away
Her lips were so loose but she loved those lemons

She was a lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired, legless
Lady in the woods

And did we mention that her name was Linda?
Linda the lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired, legless
Lady in the woods

An unhappy woman was she
She had no treats or toys
But if you told her a dick joke
It would bring her so much joy
So low brow
Low brow Linda

She had no other company
So she talked to the trees
She didn’t choose words just a whooshing sounds
And the trees knew what she means
Yeah she could talk tree
She was Linda the bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods

And she produced milk like you’ve never seen

She was Linda the lactating, bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods

Ahh mmm

All those forest nights alone
Can wreak havoc on a woman’s libido
So she found herself a lizard love
And that lit up Linda’s heart
But that lizard found another lizard
And that lying little lizard left her

She was Linda the lusty, lizard-kissing, lonely, lactating, bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods

There’s more

A wizard of a woman was Linda
She was the master of the lute
And she did write songs
She loved writing song
Lugubrious songs
She wrote this song
And she’d warble these songs into the wind
In the hopes that someday someone would find them
And luckily for Linda they fell in our ears
So we sing to you her lachrymatory lyrics
To continue her legacy
Her legacy, her legacy
She also loved liquorice

She was Linda the liquorice-eating, legendary, lyrical, lugubrious, lachrymatory, lusty, lizard-kissing, lonely, lactating, bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods

Yeah Linda was a lot